Holiday Blues, Mean Reds, and Immobilization

There are so many things that I really should do, I don't know why I bother telling it to you.

Yesterday sucked, in a distant way that had very little practical impact on my day. But it brought up lots of bad memories and forced the recognition of current bad situations. And I tried to be nice to a mentally ill psycho hose beast* and the inevitable happened: it came back and bit me on the ass.

Again, not it any way that I can't pretty successfully manage/avoid. It just reminds me how sad, tired, and angry this kind of thing makes me.

People have every right to completely screw up their lives and self destruct. Where your self entitlement ends is when you involve other people in your literal or figurative demises.

Setting aside all questions of co-dependency, enabling behaviors, and the personal choices of the bystanders, I would like to say this: fuck your life up all you want, but if you have the poor taste and planning to do it in front of an audience, you are not allowed to deny that audience their right to an opinion or reaction.

That's right, I said it. You have Personal Responsibility that extends beyond  yourself. That happened when you made that marriage Vow, when you decided to procreate, when you invited or forced people into your life to share it with you. You want to go hurt yourself? Then sack up and go do it in private.

This crap where people decide they are going to (usually painfully, maddeningly slowly) kill themselves in front of others is bullshit. It doesn't work because these people invariable announce that they Will Not Be Told how to live their lives because it's Their Decisions.

Yeah, fly that one by the person who drove your ass to the hospital, or picked you up out of a pile of your own vomit, or made sure your rent got paid on time. See, the way this works is you don't get to verbally, emotionally or physically abuse your spouse, kids, or the random schmucks who are stupid enough to care about you. That ain't the deal. And everybody who runs around all self righteous about It's My Life seems to constantly forget that they'd be sitting in a pile of their own shit if they didn't have other people in their lives changing their diapers for them.

It is each of our own lives, and we may do with them as we see fit. But let's all at least have the common decency not to take the coward's way out with a captive audience.

And how did I handle it? The wrong way, I suppose. I should have gone out into the world and celebrated living and done one of the ten billion things on my list and thrown in something fun. But I didn't make any of those healthy choices. I just camped out here.

It's raining again today. There's lots of stuff I could do. Some stuff I should do. I should probably get on that.

*Not an exaggeration.