Blather. Wince. Repeat.

Blather. Wince. Repeat.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Losing Your Phone = Mystery & Excitement

Received a phantom text inviting me to lunch with an UNSUB and a former employee.

Texter is coy and withholding identity. Hmmm.

It makes for an interesting question, b/c I don't give out my cell number much. Or didn't back in my FL days. I'm probably still weird about it. No, I'm definitely still weird about it.

I'm just weird.

Anyway, I did two half-hearted attempts at researching who it could be. I have a list of 4 suspects. I have written my guesses down and will reveal them at lunch. It's like real life Clue, but with less Tim Curry. :(

I'm pretty sure I'm past the point of having to worry about being kidnapped and sold into the sex slave trade. But if that is the case, I feel very sorry for the buyer who ends up with me. Because when I wake up, I'm gonna be pissed. Grumpy.



Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Grand Budapest Hotel: I'm Utterly Charmed


With no real attention to narrative, cohesiveness, or accurate description, let me relate to you the experience of watching The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014, dir: Wes Anderson).

This film is charming and vulgar; lovely and crude; quaint and pointed; apolitical and sharply mocking.

The entire cast is like a movie buff's dream team: Jeff Goldblum, F. Murray Abraham, Adrien Brody, Tilda Swinton. Willem. Freaking. Dafoe.

And of course, Ralph Fieness. Who should no-shit win an Oscar for his performance. It was perfection. His timing was impeccable. Even when I knew a joke was coming, he still managed to surprise me with it. His character is pompous, vain, bitchy, and demanding but also brave, loyal, talented, loveable and inspiring.

Wes Anderson's style doesn't always speak to me, but Grand Budapest bowled me over. The characters all hit the right note between whimsy and realism. The world is beautiful, but it still has very ugly parts. And the ugliness really strikes you--in the midst of determined quirkiness you are shocked and affronted to be reminded of the very plain and boring evil of which man is capable.

F. Murray Abraham is luminescent, Ed Norton is grimly dutiful, Goldblum is directly ethical, Brody is a foul brat, and Dafoe is menacingly fascinating.

This movie was sort of like if Inglorious Basterds (which I enjoy) had been made from love of life rather than love of justice. I was smiling as the credits rolled. I smiled every time I thought of it today. In one viewing this movie has evinced an ineffable fondness from me. I will be enjoy this one for a long time to come, hopefully.

Is It Something In The Air?

I think I'm in a really weird mood right now.

This is one of those "I've heard this song a million times but today it struck a nerve" moments. It may seem trite, but I know this person and I know this feeling and it hurts in a horrible way. Aches. Twinges. Grieving for something you have yet to lose.

Music is so powerful. You have to be careful how much you let it influence you.




Step one, you say, We need to talk
He walks, you say, Sit down, it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


I know better than to be so melancholy. Fortunately, "Sledgehammer" just came on. So I'm sure I'll be bouncing about it a bit. I'm such a twit. Peter Gabriel is so wonderfully direct about his dirtiness. :)

This is the new stuff. . . We go dancing in


Monday, June 23, 2014

On The Turning Away

So very much of what you feel and think in life is completely under your control. A fact that is very easy to forget. Perhaps it's best to say that it's a simple concept, but not an easy execution.

I came into work today with a mild determination to Be Cool and Take It Easy and Be Easily Amused. That last one isn't much of a problem for me, most days. But, sometimes when I try to let go and crawl out of my basement, it backfires. I turn into a sponge and everyone around me bleeds in. Does this happen to anyone else?

It doesn't have to be anything big. People are just so....they radiate. Their emotions permeate the air. You have to learn to get past that, be separate from the storm.

But. . . 

How cold do you have to become to not be affected by others? Maybe you can't until you are at peace with yourself. In which case, GFL.

I wish this was because I was altruistic. I think it's really because I'm intolerant of disharmony. I really need to get over that. But when I do, what kind of person will I be?

The new "all sugar" Pepsi in a can is the best version yet, but it's still a bit off. Why can't they just use the Mexican Pepsi formula? I have a terrible suspicion that the flavor of MPs comes from some horrid laxity in production regulations. Like extra rat poop = flavor!

Back to work.


Sunday, June 22, 2014

Watching Spike Lee's "Oldboy" Pt 2, 3, Final

  • Oh dude, what if they fed him false info on who his daughter is? Those tv shows, the specials. What if the Olsen girl is his daughter? Oh man, what if this gets Greek?
  • And at 1:07 we have our gratuitous butt shot. Of Evil Wickus. I did not know that was in here. I will never stop misbehaving if I don't stop getting rewarded for it. REWARD!
  • Pertaining to the plot, Sam Jackson is a badass, natch. EW has some interesting torso scarring. Does this explain his bizarre facial hair? Can he only grow it in that ridiculous shape? The plot sickens.
TBC

1:16:16
  • Oh wow. I really hope that's not his daughter dude. Evil Wickus looks alarmed as well.
  • Speaking of, how the hell does that bastard have cameras EVERYWHERE this guy goes?
  • And what is up with a recent sexual assault victim getting all bathtub-y and walking around in a towel? WTF Hollywood? People do not respond to physical assault by making themselves uber vulnerable immediately afterwards.
  • Oh christ. Is she in on it? This movie is making me paranoid. I should not do realtime reviews. The pause button is my enemy.
  • I like this actor, he's grown from a character into somebody I feel like I know.
  • Well, I'm guessing that ol' Brolin is the cause of EW's scars and he did him some Turrible Wrong in prep school.
TBC

1:41:00
  • Well, it really sucks to be right sometimes. It got crazy Greek up in there. 
  • Now I'm interested to see the Korean version. The plot was a little spacey and a little too neat in some places, thought the overall tone was so grim and violent that it softened those effects.
  • Very strange that it all led back to high school, basically. 
  • Interesting that Brolin took a monastic/Catholic style of repentance. I would have killed myself. But he is punishing himself way more than that.
  • Evil Wickus was interesting. I guess that's a modified Luxembourg accent? Some of his line delivery was a little too "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to listen to my exposition." It may just be b/c the other Copley roles I've seen obvs had a lot of improv thrown in.
  • To the Google! For Lux-accents and plot comparisons!

Watching the Spike Lee "Oldboy" Pt. 1

Never seen the original. SPOILERS AHOY!

Know it's a revenge flick. Supposedly there's a TWEEST. Have had Korean original on my radar for years, but I'm expecting hella brutality. An hour in, here are my thoughts:

  • Damn, Josh Brolin be unlikeable. He's going balls out on this. I call this "shameless shameful" acting: when you are willing to look real, real bad. It's a compliment.
  • Wow, this is a stylish movie. The color themes are quite beautiful and surprisingly bright while retaining a gritty, dirty look. Sounds oxymoronic, I know. Maybe it's just moronic.
  • They feed him vodka to prevent DTs? The choice of tv shows is rather serendipitious: mixed martial arts, yoga, kung fu movies. Is that on purpose or a shout out? There are some strange choices going on here.
  • Oh shit! Sam Jackson! MULTIPLE VILLAINS! Score!
  • Okay, so my homey Brolin has been mentally and physically prepped for something that took 20 years to reach fruition. He's being unleashed as some kind of retribution, on the surface. But what if it's further revenge? Or what if he's supposed to be the revenge visited on the Main Villain's opponent? That was a tortured sentence. And that's a helluva job on preparation.
  • Main Villain (here on out: Evil Wickus) has a completely different voice from this actor and I can't place the accent. I really can't, it's throwing me bad. I am eager to see the Korean counterpart to Evil Wickus. I have a feeling he'll be a bit fey.
  • Holy shit, Brolin just hammered up the entire cast of the Beat It video. This is a really well shot fight sequence. A little too much delay in the mass attacks for believability, but easily forgiven with the great camera work and linear visuals.
  • Does this Olsen chick remind anybody else of Maggie Gyllenhaal. How the fuck do you spell that? Gyllenhall? Gylennhall? Gylenhal(llllllll)?
  • So here's the proposition: Who is Evil Wickus? Why is this happening? Let's have a mini breakdown right here. Think out loud with me, won't you?
    • EW raped and killed Brolin's wife
    • EW is threatening Brolin's kid
    • EW has a badass bodyguard
    • EW offers confession, proof and suicide (bullet to my brain) if Mr. B can answer his questions three  two. Who am I? Why am I doing this?
    • EW has told Brolin to think on his sins, his past misdeeds.
    • As EW was the rapist, putting his current age from 38-48, citing an approx age of 20 when rape/murder occurred. 
    • EW's offer of suicide/confession implies that he has a deathwish/no attachment to life. If he's not lying. I don't think he is, for some reason.
      • Is EV terminal? For 20 years? Unlikely.
    •  EW is ridiculously rich. Diamonds. Untraceable. Extravagent. Why? Why wouldn't the offer of a sparing Brolin's daughter's life be enough? Strange gesture.
    •  Is Evil Vickus* actually illegitimate or cast-off Brolin Jr? Is this a daddy thing? Man, that is some serious patience to work out your abandonment issues.
    • 20 years is also a long time to torture someone and then let them possibly escape from torture. Why? The truly devious mind would envision this whole thing as a way to torture Brolin even more--forcing his admittance to his complicity in his own demise or forcing him to kill his remaining family (daughter). If subject is a family annihilator, he is the slowest one ever.
    • EW's own daughter, own wife, own family were taken from him by Brolin, tangentially? Did he maim EW's daddy in a bar fight? 
    • I'm getting nowhere with this.
43 minutes to go. Well paced so far. TBC.

*sorry about all that. Sometimes I type it like I pronounce it. 

When I Awoke At 4:30 a.m. I Thought. . .

. . . that I should get out of bed and just get all my chores done.

So, when I finally got out of bed between 7 and 8, I thought: Okay, I can get all of my chores done this morning.

After some morning staggering around and cruising the net (always a bad idea, always) and reasoned by 11:00 at the latest, I could get it all done. Then I looked at my clock.

10:12 am.

Whoops.

Well, I'm here to report that at 11:22 am the majority of my chores were done. Aided greatly by doing piecemeal chores in the two days leading up and my Hall & Oates Pandora station.

The H&O station was a little off, thematically, but it played several awesome songs in a row, which makes it all okay. For now.

I closed out with "Eye of the Tiger" and we just hit H&O gold: "She's Gone." This is possibly the greatest video ever. Penguin hand guitar. Devils. Bad lip syncing.



Get it? He'd pay the devil to replace her. Get it? I'm pretty convinced if I ever shot a video it would look like this.

Among the awesome songs shuffled through was "Miss You" by the Rolling Stones. Familiar with it? If you are like me, that song has been a part of your life so long that you don't even know the lyrics. Like, you sing along with Jagger's mushmouth ultra-twang, but you probably haven't stopped to consider what the song is about, how unique it sounds, etc. Sometimes you don't even realize you are singing along. Let's call it the R.E.M phenomenon (LEONARD BERNSTEIN!).

Here's the video if you need a refresher. If you aren't familiar with this song, I don't know if you would find this funny.



I will forever associate this song with my two friends, J-Dog and tink. It helps remind me that normal is totally relative.

J and I are in the front seat, J's driving, and tink is chilling in the back. We are all in town for holidays or something. "Miss You" comes on the radio and, rather unconsciously I think, J and I start singing the parts we know. Please note, this is first time I've ever looked up these lyrics.

Mumble hum
Mumble hum blah
(Lord/Mumble/Gibberish) I miss you 

Something something phone
Mumble something
Something hum
mumble something something you


Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh


I think that might have been the part that led tink to lean forward to catch the song. If you think about it, synchronized Ooooohs are prolly pretty weird sounding with no context.

Mumble mumble
lots of humming
Making shit up
Blah blah something, humming for a while

When the phone rings

It's just a friend of mine that say
"Hey, what's the matter, man?
We're gonna come around at twelve
With some Puerto Rican girls that are just DYING' to MEET YOU
We're gonna bring a case of wine
Hey, let's go mess and fool around
You know, like we USED to"


Now, bless her, tink managed to make it through that outburst without saying anything. Oblivious in the front seat, J and I continue our scattered hum along, until we reach the next good part.

I've been walking in Central Park
Singing after dark

(creepy whisper) People think I'm crazy
Stumbling on my feet
Shuffling through the street
Asking people, "What's the matter WICHOO, boy?"
Sometimes I want to say to, to myself
Sometimes I say


Imagine two people just bust that out. You can't really hear the song, aren't familiar with it, and your friends seem to singing some ode to Puerto Ricans and repetitive nonsense sound. I think, fairly, tink had enough and demanded, "What the HELL is this song?"

I don't think J and I fully appreciated how confusing the whole thing was. If I recall correctly, we finished out the song. With profound shit, like

Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh

Aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah

Lord, I miss you child


It was a small moment. You probably had to be there. It makes me smile.

ETA: Just watched the beginning of that Stones video. Holy crap, y'all. I think I know where Ted Levine got his inspiration for the Buffalo Bill dance scene. My mind. It is blown.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Hmmmmmm

When I woke up this morning I found a slug on my kitchen floor. Sizable, between four and five inches.

I must say, it caught me completely off guard.

I deposited the little slimer outside, as gently as I could. I will check later to make sure he's moved on.

This incites two main lines of inquiry for me:

1) How the hell did that slug get in the house?

2) Is this some sort of omen of an apocalyptic type? Gypsy curse? Sign from The Old Ones?

How weird is that? Not post rain, no other slugs around. Just weird.

Recent cracked out theory: some pollens and air irritants can contribute to acid reflux.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Live Blogging My Spontaneous "A-Team" Marathon

Gad bless Netflix streaming.

  • Oh, look. It's Pilot!Face who didn't get picked up for the season. Poor guy. He's like the Pete Best of the A-Team.
  • BTW, if you like the A-Team, don't do any real research into the actors and their time together. Or maybe even things they've said since then. Just, really, live the dream, man.
 
 
  • Oh, is there a horrific Asian stereotype in every production involving George Peppard?
  • Wow. Ol' George really did have movie star eyes. That blue is just. . . wowza.
Banacek, bitches!

  • Based off my knowledge of late 70s to early 80s serial television, I'm going to venture that G.Pepp was a cigar fan. On the company dime.
  • Damn, Mr. T is helluva tough. But he's always got time for the kids!
  • Awww, Murdock. How much fun is a role like this? Mr. T was the coolest, Face was the prettiest, Hannibal was the jazziest, but my fave was always Murdock.
  • You know, when I saw The A Team (2010) movie, I thought that Bradley Cooper was just going way overboard on the Face casting. Bradley Cooper's body, in that film, is stupefying. Thank god they limited his shirtless screen time, because I Do Not Even Have Thinking Brain Explodey How Is That Even Possible With Eating and Muscle Mass Oh Lord I Need To Lie Down. Really.
This is ridiculous.
  •  In addition to this fact is that Bradley Cooper is a disturbingly pretty man. He is far prettier than I have ever managed to be. It's a little unnerving and unnatural.
We are not even going to talk about his Hair Fu. But it is considerable.

  •  All of which is an incredibly long winded way of saying that I Thought He Had A Real Pretty Mouth and it was a bit much. But then I start my A-Team walk down memory lane. And you guys know what? Dirk Benedict was ridiculously good looking. I can't even find pictures to do him justice. It's just silly. So, mea culpa 2010 crew--you were spot on the money.
Newsflash: World Full Of Beautiful Men, Trend Continues

  • "On the jazz"---totally had forgotten that.
  • Those mofos just escaped jail with lawn chairs, trash bags, dozen or so hair dryers, and two long ass extension cords. Seems legit.
TBD....Gotta roll.

Friday, June 13, 2014

And Eff You Very Much

Well, I just got off the phone with the clinic that Rx'ed me some meds for chronic pain. You know, the ones that worked, but 3 out of 5 patches were so defective I couldn't use them.

Fun!

I've been calling (and visiting) this clinic for four weeks. Four weeks of phone calls, messages, answering questions, answering the same questions, and repeating personal details of my life story to whoever I happened to get on the phone.

I know it's been four weeks because last time I called it was because I was in intense pain because of my period. That's right, I originally called to get refills when my stuff malfunctioned for the severe pain I was in A Month Ago.

And now that feeling is coming back, as it always does and probably always will.

And today--this phone call--somebody FINALLY told me, "Oh, we can't refill those prescriptions."

Dude. Seriously? And this was info that couldn't be mentioned BEFORE I SPENT AN ENTIRE MONTH PLAYING PHONE AND OFFICE TAG WITH YOU MOTHERFUCKERS????????

It's really easy. A patient asks a yes/no question, you provide one of the two answers. No. That's all you had to say. No.

I just....what the...I can't even deal with this shit. What?

Well, at least I have one patch left, so I have 3 days of mitigated pain. This month.

Goddamn I'm tired.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

I Swear I'm Adopted

My family is just so, Wow, sometimes.

I just tripled checked all my mail messages. When I sent out a notice about my lost phone and requesting deets, the majority of ppl did not reply.

What's ironic is that not a single one of my immediate relatives in this town replied.

What's even more ironic is that I exchanged over 10 emails with my moo on the subject, she didn't respond, AND the only reason I have the their home number is because it's part of her signature.

Hmm. What could it mean?


Monday, June 9, 2014

Sharlto Copley. Hmm. What's Up With That?

I saw Elysium (Dir: Neil Blomkamp) recently. It was a really solid sci-fi movie. I was pleasantly surprised. But I after I looked it up and discovered it was a Blomkamp (District 9) movie, it all clicked into place.

Well, you know, I actually looked it up after I saw/heard Copley in a scene. I was years late to the party with District 9, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. I especially loved the realism of the FX. So believable. I mean, a lot of sci fi has pretty or awesome looking things, but it's much rarer to find something that looks to be of actual substance.

Anyway, Spoiler Alert, Elysium is like District 9 but with healthcare as it's subject in place of xenophobia and ethnic cleansing.

You might imagine; it rung a chord with me.

The other Copley movie I've seen, many times tx to Cinemax program scheduling ocd stalker issue) is The A-Team. Now, frankly, The A-Team disappointed me. I loved the series as a kid and still appreciate its ridiculous glory, but the movie fell flat. My first impression was a total "meh!"

Upon inevitable re-watch (premium channels only, baybee! i cants takes no commercials!) of the movie, I realized it had some very well done parts. It was just bloated and overreached itself. And I'm not sure how much of A-Team was doomed by The Losers. Because The Losers is one of my bomb ass favorites. It's on the Bef List. And The Losers is based on a graphic novel that loosely resembled....The A-Team t.v. series.

It's the Ciiiiiiiircle of Liiiiiiife, y'all.

That is to say, I was brainwashed into having a tolerance and even affection for The A-Team. (Also, Bradley Cooper's body. What? Is that even possible? I'll take two and don't call me in the morning.)

Anyhoo, from starting with District and ending with Elysium, here have been my thoughts on Msr. Copley:

  • That accent is fascinating. Is that a V for a W? Cool.
  • Man, this guy is having a bad day.
  • Cool movie. Too gross for me to know if I think this guy is cute, though.
  • Hmm, he just lit a guy on fire. 
  • Murdock has gotta be the funnest and easiest character to play, right?
  • Nice accents. Interesting voice.
  • Still, there's some good chemistry and some really natural riffing. 
  • I still can't tell if I think this guy is cute.
  • Okay, yeah, maybe this guy is cute.
  • No. No, he's not. Funny, though. He seems funny.
  • Hey, is that the guy from District 9? He seems kinda mean.
  • Holy shit, that guy from District 9 is a fucking psychopathic killer!
  • Okay, I came in halfway through. Let me revisit this movie from the beginning.
  • Ah, that's why Matt Damon was being such a dick. Five days to live, sheesh.
  • Nope, that is totally Sharlto and is an unequivocal FuckHead.
  • Do I think this guy is cute?
  • I totally think this guy is cute.
  • Wait, do I?
Which is all to say, what a good excuse to watch District 9 again. :)

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Nooooooooooooo!

I accidentally bought 1% chocolate milk*.

GROSS!

Now I have to go back to the store. That's two times in two days. (at least it's not LA, though, which means I can get the errand run in under an hour and without a parking nightmare)

My first world problems are overwhelming!!!

*Seriously, thought, why the hell would anyone by pre-mixed chocolate milk? It is always funky and never as good as adding syrup. I mean, you can buy regular milk, have it, and then use the syrup whenever you want. Two birds, one stone. And that way you can control the chocolicity of your beverage.


Friday, June 6, 2014

125, 128, 138, 106, 142

I can live with that.

That doesn't mean I won't be bitching tomorrow about how sore I am. I don't know how everybody else bowls, but it's a full body effort for me.

My left hip is suspiciously quite right now. That does not bode well.

I thought I'd tap out at 4 (which is still too many), but I preservered and hit my best in the 5th game.

I was hovering around the zone for most of the games after #1, so it was very hard to make myself stop.

Bowling: cures what ails ya. Or at least makes ya so sore you forget the other crap.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

And After That Brief Nap I Awoke To A Car Insurance Cancellation Notice

Ha.

Hahahaha.

I have no one to blame but myself. I was paying insurance in 6 month chunks back when I had a little money saved up. My brain obviously has not registered the switchover and I sailed right past an email reminder.

Well, I mean, marked the email reminder for payment when I had some money. Foolish, so foolish.

Of course, they did try to call me. With an automated caller. At the phone number that doesn't have a phone right now.

Hahaha. I C WUT U DID THAR universe. So droll.

All hail satan and credit cards--i am reinstated with a few clicks.

This has just been the cherry topping to my steaming shit sundae of today. And now it's too late to go bowling.

Including myself.

If my life had a face, I would punch it.

This concludes our broadcast for today. Jeezy creezy.

I Don't Know What To Do

ETA: Shrink called back and saw glorious reason. Thank god for East Coast Jewish Doctor transplants. 

tl;dr Medical shit. I really don't enjoy being this person. But I need to express this anger somehow, lest it eat me up. This seems the least toxic for the humans around me. I'm sorry to be a broken record.

I have 3 medical conditions(A, B, C) that require Rx drugs/treatment. I probably need surgery (again) for one of the conditions, and I'll probably still have to take meds after that.

I picked up an independent contracting job in Florida. So I've been in FL for several months and have a few more to go.

I signed up for coverage in CA. I'm so poor I only potentially qualify for state sponsored Medicaid. When I last spoke with a representative, they advised me that everything was processing and that they were categorically refusing to give estimation dates on when to expect application processing. I'm supposed to wait and eventually get something in the mail.

Would that coverage do anything in another state? I don't know. I have no idea what it encompasses and am waiting on some mail notification to be forwarded from CA to my temporary digs. Nothing so far.

I bring this up because, despite the fact that I am willing and do pay out of pocket, suddenly every doctor in 2014 wants to know not if, but when I will be getting insurance. They have no idea what it will cover or if it's even applicable in the cases we are discussing. But they ask. Over and over. It seems to be a sticking point---almost like they can't really treat people with no coverage anymore? I'm not sure. But I have been interrogated in person and over the phone extensively just trying to get Rx refills in FL for meds prescribed IN FL.

Now, for medical condition B, my docs think I need nerve pills. Because, after three years of pursuing multiple therapies, according to them I obviously have psychological conditions that require treatment. (It couldn't possibly be that I had an organ removed and the compensatory meds are not adequate blah blah ignorancecakes). And let me tell you what, no matter what your state by the time you spend a few years getting the runaround from these yahas you NEED psych meds, just to deal with the bullshit. And, quite frankly, because when you can't get relief where you need it (condition A), then you gotta take what helps.

Just submitted a refill for my two shrink meds. I have no phone, and won't until mid month, but I just figured out how to check my voice messages. My shrink called and said "I haven't seen you, this med is being filled in one state and shipped to another, I'm not comfortable. You need to find somebody where you are to get this Rx."

I left him a msg asking if this was going to apply to BOTH meds he prescribed, or just that one that everybody seems so touchy about. I explained that the Rxs had always shipped from another state b/c I'm on a mail order system. Back in CA, they will still show as shipping from another state. Because that's where they ship them from.

And this is an issue because? Because I am obviously running a bi-coastal drug scam with my monthly prescription? I drive 36 hours a couple times a month to....what? I'm not even sure what I could be doing, but apparently it's scandalous.

Running out of money meant I could no longer pursue the pain treatment course for condition C--a wondrous chronic item that sometimes takes 4 days out of my life, sometimes 3 weeks. I had to cease the $300/pop doctor visits, but retained the substandard meds he provided. Until he refused to refill them again. I tried contacting his office but never heard back from them. I'm assuming he suspended refills because I wasn't seeing  him on a regular basis. I've heard that reasoning before.

Let me reiterate so that you can appreciate what I'm saying: Since I can't afford to go to the doctor on a regular basis, he refuses to continue to prescribe me medication. I have a diagnosis and a treatment plan, he is refusing to continue it. I could, theoretically, make an appt and go every month or week or whatever. Except then I don't have enough money to buy the meds. Hell, I don't have enough money to buy the meds now. That's why Satan invented credit cards.

So my pain doc cold turkey-ed my meds. My shrink just announced that is going to cold turkey at least one, maybe both of my psych meds. This is responsible doctoring.

I went to a doc here in FL and explained my situation for condition C--chronic pain. It's been getting worse. I explained all about the pain mgmt, the fact that I probably need surgery, blah blah. He was very nice and gave me two Rx. One was fine. The other provided a different kind of relief that was nauseating, but effective. It was also in a patch form, and 4 of the five patches malfunctioned and fell off. Two of them instantly. Call pharmacy and doc about it, conclusion: nobody else in the world has ever had this problem. I am a freak. Deal with it. And suck up the $100 you spent to get 2/5 of a medication.

Well, okay. Can I get a refill on those items then? I called in a moment of extreme pain and duress. That was 3 weeks ago. I've called multiple times. Been given the runaround, been called by the clinic, etc. I even had to go back in for some ass kicking sinusitis. While there I followed up again just trying to find out if I could get anything refilled.

They keep asking me: "When are you going to see a specialist for your condition?"

Well, I don't have the money. I mean, it's like $5K to $15K to get this stuff taken care of. And that's before the post op treatment. Which I will likely have to be on for life.

Again, clarification point: I probably have to take pain meds for the rest of my life to get relief, no matter what surgeries and treatments I get. This is a medical fact. My only hope is menopause. No shit.

Called clinic today and they said, "Oh, the doc wants to know when you are going to get insurance and see a specialist." That's his answer to "Can a brother get a refill?" That is also the 4th or 5th time I will have answered the question for that clinic, in great detail. It's all in my chart. I watched them write it down. I told him to his face.

I don't have money to see new doctors here, to get new prescriptions. Especially not if those Rx will cease to be fillable when I go back to CA. Each visit is a minimum of $100, for any of the three conditions. Some are up to $300. And on top of all that, there is no guarantee that any doctor will re-prescribe what I'm on. Some of them like to run you through the whole circus again, no matter what your history says, your charts.

And obviously, as a patient and sufferer of these conditions, I am in no place to have an opinion or deduction about any of it.

So, I'm working out of state because it's the only job I have been able to get. Money good. Help pay bills. Help pay for medicine.

Because I'm out of state, my doctors don't want to refill my prescriptions. Also because I haven't had an appt in a while. (Which I totally would have been able to do with all the money I wouldn't be making had i stayed unemployed in state, oh, wait, sorry to introduce logic there. No place in medicine for logic.)

What the hell is going on? What am I supposed to do? Is this happening because I'm poor and broke? Is something else going on? Am I being discriminated against because of my conditions? Am I on some "chronic pain" blacklist? If I need to be on psych meds, should they just take them away? What can I do when faced with a government that refuses to respond? Why can't I just pay for the things that work?

Why can't I just pay for the things that work? Why don't I deserve access to treatment?

I Had A Harrowing Dream Last Night

We put down the cat. But it didn't take. I found her alive. I was trying to protect here when a gunfight broke out and she was shot.

She still didn't die.

I was clutching her to my chest, screaming for help, screaming for people to stop trying to kill her. She obviously wasn't as sick as we thought: she kept surviving. I needed to get her help.

I kept wishing for a papoose to carry her in. I lost my clothes, there were strangers everywhere, I couldn't get to a car. No one would listen.

As I crept down a hall to try and make my escape, she didn't feel warm anymore. I felt like I kept dropping her without realizing it. I think she died.

what the fuck, douchebag brain?

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Shepherd of Judeah, Give Me Strength

So, lost my phone. Had a line on a free one, but it is not supported by my current carrier, EvilAssholeShitLords-Verizon, or the new service I want to pick up.

*sigh*

So I just bought a used phone, but it will take over a week to get here. Then I have some kind of nonsense to go through in order to switch my number over. Which shouldn't be a problem. But given my track record. . . .

Anyhoo, in case you didn't hear it somewhere else, I am incommunicado de telefono for a while now. Whoops.

This is inconvenient. So very inconvenient.

Well, at least it wasn't my wallet.