CatWatch! 2014: Baby Steps

Haha! Day 3 of Ket Relocation has seen some milestones.

First, let's talk about Proper Motivation.

Emergency Provisional Ket Treats. Distributor may have eaten one or two while standing on porch. Don't judge. Was my breakfast.

So, armed with a New Sweetie, we make some strategic adjustments to our food outposts. In addition, we've got a Special Sweetie bowl out back for Momma Ket and a Temptation Bowl at the edge of the frontier.

Erik the Bold is serious about his ket füd.

Muhahahaha! My nuanced strategery is working. Bowl #3 is Temptation Bowl. I don't know if kets will go for smoked ersters, but it's worth a shot.

I think this one is called Tiger.

Ket emerges from safety of porch, regards me dubiously. But partakes of treat pile. I think this is Bigfoot. Please note, I did not name these poor kittehs.

Wishing to avoid the prior day's facial disfigurement, Sweetie Man opted for a casual shorts and shirt ensemble. Totally appropriate for Field Work. Made it out of there with fewer bites on face: good. Results on rest of body: well. . . .

Yeah, pretty sure I should have gotten a malaria shot before all this. I don't know when I became so delectable to mosquitoes. Maybe they are desperate.

Erik the Red continues his bravery, voluntarily coming within three feet of me today. He ain't skeered.

Guess who started to run up to me before he thought better of it this morning?

Tonight will show if the other kets have taken to the relocation process. At this rate, I will have them in the backyard by April 2015. Sweetie Man is going to have to get a little more serious about the Sweeties.

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

CatWatch! 2014: Sweetie Man To The Rescue

So, yesterday I got a call from a fellow Cat Wrangler who couldn't make it in to town for Ket Füd duties.

Looks like a job for You Know Who!

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

So I zoomed down to District Feline and commenced Stage 2 of the Ket Relocation Project.

Ket füd relocation--we are now in the field. Repeat, we have engaged the ket in the field.

Erik doesn't let real estate get in the way of noms.

The untrained eye might not spot the Lurking Kitteh in this picture. Diagrammed for your convenience.

When a ket sticks its face in its crotch in front of you, you can confirm: is definitely Ket.

Momma Ket was hanging around in the backyard, which is the relocation goal. So maybe there is some hope.

Sweetie Man wised up and wore pants this time to protect against the turrible mosquitoes. So Sweetie Man ended up with mosquito bites to the face rather than the legs.

Sweetie Man may have to reconsider some strategies.

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

CatWatch! 2014: I'll Take The Case!

Uh oh! There are some wild kitties living under my bro's office. We need to find these kitties some homes. But how will we lure befriend them?

Sounds like a job for: Sweetie Man!

As we all know, if there's one thing a Sweetie Man knows about, it's ket füd (cat food). And this Sweetie Man has a plan and a list of goals to accomplish by week's end.

Plan:

Remember: only you and ket füd can prevent a riot.

Goals:

1. Get kittehs used to eating around people, shamelessly leverage Pavlovian techniques.
2. Convince kitteh to come within a 4 ft radius of a person.
3. Relocate eating area from under the house to the back porch. The long way. Erg.

Day One:

After careful Sweetie distribution over the weekend, return to location and resume Sweetie dispersal, a la Hansel Und Gretel. A trail of Sweeties to the drop zone--standard food dispersal.

We have a Sweetie fan from the prior day.

Aha! I spot Erik the Red, the most fearless of the kittehs.

 I would like to mention at this point that from my squatting position in the yard, my ass, keys, and phone are swarmed by ants and mosquitoes. Effin Florida--what a swamp.

It seems Erik has spotted me as well. What could happen?

Erik's stomach is braver than his brain. Sweetie Trail successful!

Erik the Red has brothers and sister who poke their heads out, but I think it's pretty obvious who owns the yard. 

Behind Erik is Tiger, also a fan of the Hansel Und Sweetiez method. Alas, I was unable to capture Gizmo on camera.

And so endeth Round One. Next phase, day off for Sweetie Man while the first cat feeding site relocation attempt occurs. I wish my fellow cat whisperers luck.

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

Wow. Just . . . Wow.

Somebody just said something so hypocritical, accusatory, and inaccurate to me at the wrong place, the wrong time and in company that I'm having an adrenalin rush trying to calm down.

Because it was the wrong place, wrong time, with company, I just got up and left the room. I haven't slammed any doors, given any dirty looks, no real reaction. I think being stunned by the Wrongness and totally offended helped me make it out of the room with no fanfare.

I've got to get out of this place. I can't let people who don't or won't bother to understand me continue to have an effect on me. I can't keep taking shit from people that I'm not allowed to confront. It's just no good. It's not healthy for me.

I may be a piece of shit, worthless, unbearable human being, but that doesn't mean you get to shit all over me. You don't get to blindside me with your constant projection and transference of your neuroses.

I have the right not to be attacked. I have the right not to have to deal with all your fucked up shit. I have the right to defend myself. And apparently I have the duty, as well, since nobody else is going to do it.

This is an inherently unfair dynamic, but I suppose I ultimately have no one to blame but myself, as I perpetuate these roles. And it is within my power, theoretically, to stop this whole cycle. I could, hypothetically, choose not to be furious and offended right now.

So I sit here, taking slow breaths, trying to let go of all the yucky stuff, plotting my escape, plotting my freedom, hoping for a break, and wishing I could just be left alone. You just have to convince yourself that It Doesn't Matter. A simple concept, but often a difficult execution.

One day I will be Someplace that isn't Angry or Hurt or Boxed In. I know that. I just have to get there. I hate these feelings. So very much.

Breaking News: Manipulating Your Touchscreen Phone

This just in, fresh from our agents in the field:

You can activate the touchscreen on your iPhone 4s with your lips, tongue, and nose.

HOWEVER--it doesn't work every time and doesn't seem likely to be useful on the QWERTY touch keyboard.

Initial reports indicate that brevity is a key factor in using non-digital* interface with the screen.

More news as further testing and results become available.

*cwutididthar?

Sudden Theory: Vincent Van Gogh Had Astigmatism.

I was sitting here thinking about perfectionism, flower arranging and somehow got to thinking about art; our appreciation of art; how our ability to appreciate art is irrevocably tied to our experiences; the role of familiarity as relates to our aesthetic preferences and somehow I arrived at this.

I'm using "Starry Night" as my example piece.

So, yes on astigmatism. I will go with average/good distance-related vision.

You Know When You've Been Up For Awhile?

And you're bipping around the house, and after you've spontaneously wallered on the floor with the cat and zipped up and down the stairs a few times, you realize that you are Just A Wee Bit Cracked Out and Manic?

And you think, Hmm, why am I in this weird mood?

And there's this brief, brief flash of color, sound, memory--something you must have dreamed the night before.

But as soon as you try to grab a hold it melts and drifts away.

So you are walking around feeling like somebody told you a great joke and you just got done laughing, but you can't remember the punchline.

That feeling.

ALSO: the NFG tour has received its first submission!

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