This Is Some Bewl Sheet

Destiny! Destiny! No sleepy time, no--not for me!

This insomnia is getting ridiculous. Almost, but not quite, as ridiculous as the almost catatonic state of my desktop pc. I love mai iPadz, but I require an actual fully functional computer for daily use. Especially in the unlikely event that I ever get any part time work.

Also because all my stuff is on there, man.

Sigh.

Off to try and do two whole things on pc without having to reboot or shut off at power strip. Then.... Beowulf & Grendel to soothe the weary heart? I've been burning through my Gerry Butler DVD collection lately. I even rewatched The Ugly Truth. What's even worse, his insidious goofy charm has such a hold on me that the movie seemed better. Ack! Why must you torment me so, Gerry? You eat away at my capability to use logic and discernment.

Or. . . (clings to shoddy reasoning like a lifeline), maybe everything looks better when contrasted to The Bounty Hunter? Why are rom coms so hard to make? And what is with the trend of the last decade to make the women all neurotic shrews? It's not adorable quirkiness, it's bitchery that needs Thorazine and a Chuck Norris roundhouse to the face to stop.

I don't need gorgeous skinny women with the conversational style of a harpy to complain about her woeful single status right before she wins the heart of some imported hunk of prime beefcake. I need some dumpy pudgy chick who has an awesome intellect and sense of humor to inspire the most ardent affection and subsequent pursuit by every dashing Aussie, Kiwi, Scot, Irish, British, or even American stud puppy out there.

Don't show me Katie Heigl, Meg Ryan, or Hilary Swank and asked to believe, much less feel sorry, for the fact that the men in their worlds think they are unattractive. Don't ask me to find the men making jokes about their fat asses or unsexy looks funny. And don't have them turn into sexpots by slipping into some tight dresses and taking their hair down from a *gasp* ponytail. No wonder these women can't get laid--they use rubber bands. In their hair. It's the chastity belt for the digital age. You could be syphilitic with three teeth and one good eye and a guy would be more attracted to you than a girl with a ~whisper~ ponytail. Also, don't ever put Jennifer Lopez in another one of these movies. Ever. You're hurting people out there, man.

And while we're talking about unsympathetic characters, having a dude who is either 1) a constant jerk for no reason or B) endlessly noble for no reason is E) boring and lazy. And I'm not even capable of coherently discussing the infinite plot issues. But any "problem" that could have been solved by telling an obvious truth, not telling a stupid lie, using a cell phone, or leaving someone a message is not a viable reason for a relationship breakdown between two adults of average intelligence. If one of those things IS an obstacle to their love (OMG! I was supposed to marry Susie today but my car broke down and I'm across town and she still thinks I'm my brother because I pretended to be in order to get a good seat at a restaurant and also I forgot to tell her my sister is staying in my apartment and sleeping in my bed wearing sexy lingerie and she's on here way there now with the international live camera crew for our big day to be broadcast to the world. If only there was something I could have said or done at any point in our 4 year courtship that would have prevented this! She's gonna be so pissed.), then you are obviously working with mental deficients and should have made that clear in the beginning of the film.

And for the love of the sweet Babby Jebus, romantic tension and conflict IS NOT THE SAME THING as two people who hate on each other like six year olds on the playground. If your leads sound like a Pee Wee Herman routine (I know you are, but what am I?), there's something wrong. From whence came this inane decree that our hero and heroine must hate each other's guts at the outset? Why is everyone so disassociated from there own emotions that they don't realize they are In Lurve with their annoying boss, angry roommate, pothead bestie, college sweetheart, ex wife, or pet llama until the aforementioned is getting married to That Conveniently Perfect But Non Threatening  Significant Other. Lame, lame, lame!

Don't believe the hype! Flirtatious banter can be achieved without hurling insults at each other. You can meet someone and actually like them from the get go. If you screw up and get caught in a lie, tell the truth immediately. Better yet, don't tell stupid lies in the first place. It is okay to tell people that you like, or even love them BEFORE the day of their wedding to another. The relationship does not have to go to shit immediately after consummation, only to be repaired again by a bold and useless gesture in the final 10 minutes. And if your boyfriend sparkles, kill it or yourself. As many times as necessary.

Well, now that I've bitched so much, let me do something positive and list some romantic comedies that I've enjoyed. Some of the above mentioned foibles are present in these movies, sure. I don't think you can make a standard rom com without including some of those cliches. But these movies work despite, or sometimes because of the conceits. They make it work for them, not against them. In no particular order, and with no accounting for taste:

Modern Romantic Comedies Me Like

• Two Weeks Notice
• Someone Like You
• French Kiss
• Bridget Jones' Diary
• Strictly Ballroom
• High Fidelity
• Moonstruck

Well, crap. That's a short list. My brain probably isn't working very well at this point. And my computer is freaking out. Sure signs it's time to bail.

Epiphany (?): Why It Didn't Work Out

We both want peace.

I cannot feel at peace if I perceive unresolved conflict.

You cannot feel at peace if subjected to conflict.

I seek conflict, to resolve it. You avoid conflict, I imagine for the same reason, in a way. These are not necessary statements of fact, but rather how we appear compared to each other.

And there you have it. Similar goals, but different approaches. And in that difference of approach, enough dissimilarity to ensure a small tragedy of a romance, but the eventual reward of a deeply cherished friendship.

Had we been more different, it could have been a Jack Sprat situation. Wherein we could have occupied each others' vacancies. Polished off each the other's plate, as it were.

Had we been more alike, we would have never had to think at all about how to handle certain situations. Perhaps this small, but fundamental difference introduced an adversarial component to our interaction that spelled its doom.

I thought you were being dishonest. You thought you were being nice.

Or maybe. . . . you really are just a stoopid poo head. Hrmmm....yes. That might be it. Yay!

At this rate I'll only need to be unemployed, in financial crisis, and approaching agoraphobic depression for another. . . 215 years before I have EVERYTHING figured out. What a relief!

The Boring Tales of an Unlikely Invalid

This was going to be a "woe is me" post about bizarre sleep patterns, wonky meds, and pursuant insomnia.

I was going to regale you with tales of:
--how I fall asleep anytime I try to read something during the day
--how I then can't fall asleep at 1:30 am
--the dizzy spells that I get when I decide to get up and do something, anything

But then I got to thinking about how I've nev been one for fainting spells. But ladies back in the day fainted all the time. I believe this is because of corsets greatly restricting the necessary thorax space needed to drw full breaths, and thereby be properly oxygenated.

Then I started thinking how maybe I should start wiring a corset, to at least have an excuse for swooning. THEN I thought that with the way my figure is going, I should definitely invest Ina corset, just to fit into my clothes.

Then I started laughing and cackling. And realized that the early morning sleep deprivation Sillies had struck. And there would be no serious blogging. Perhaps ever again.

And there was much rejoicing.

Also, this made me laugh really hard too. I expect just about everyone's MMV on that.

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/guy-of-gisborne?before=1311416267

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