Nothing Gold Can Stay

Tonight we met at the emergency animal hospital. Then we put Chloe to sleep.

Chloe was a slinky, graceful, acrobatic cat. A little princess who didn't seem to fear very much, though she was very particular. I once saw her train a human to give her a treat everytime she laid her paw on their nose.

My tender hearted Moo is crying. "I'll never get used to this."

Though it causes her such pain, maybe that's what makes her such a good person. She keenly feels the loss of her loved ones with no diminishing through time and recurrence. I don't know how she does it: I would go mad.

My sister is feeling great sadness. Chloe was her cat, in most of the ways that count.

My little brother is the unsung hero of the night, contacting everyone, driving the hour to the emergency vet, and burying Chloe tonight.

Perhaps Death exists because it's the only way we can really ever appreciate Beauty, it's the only way we can really know Love.

You are loved Chloe and you will be missed.

Oweeee.....Bay County: Crud Capital of the World

There is something going around and it's really weird. I have a kicking case of sinusitis. I went to the doc yesterday. There are two things I don't mess around about: bladder infections and sinusitis. Got my happy little ass to a clinic toot suite.

Got the standard steroidal anti inflammatory spray, but man---this shit is rough. I feel like I've broken my nose. The pressures, I has it.

What's weird is that there are other symptoms, but I don't think I'm sick. That is, I don't feel contagious, like I've got a virus or an infections. But I do feel like refried shit.

In the continuing saga of Homeless Hawkeye I need to find a place to stay tonight. Because of a bump up in somebody's traveling plans. I'm not nearly as down about it as last time. I would just like to get to spend three consecutive days in a house without having to move.

Which I will get! A house to myself for a couple of weeks. Hallelujah! Praise Jebus!

Somebody just showed me this. It is foul. I had to look up Alligator Fuckhouse. Don't watch if you find things like "Dirty Sanchez" disturbing. I don't really have to mention that I laughed a lot, do I?

PSA: Despite my many ailments, I am not often "sick" in the traditional sense. So beware kids, if I've got it then it has the possibility of being Captain Tripps level destruction. Take your vitamins.

Options From Which To Choose

Sometimes when you've got a lot on your mind, you have to get some quiet space, hunker down, and really do some thinking.

Other times, you choose action. Preferably distracting, unrelated action.

Today, we choose action.

We tuck our grim determination for joy under our arms (i am going to have some goddamn fun if it kills me) and blast off.

We will land somewhere that is Not Here and we hope that difference will be different enough.

Romantic Poetry

I just read and enjoyed all of these for the first time. bon appetit.



Go, Lovely Rose" by Edmund Waller

Go, lovely Rose,—
Tell her that wastes her time and me,
     That now she knows,
When I resemble her to thee,
How sweet and fair she seems to be.

     Tell her that's young,
And shuns to have her graces spied,
     That hadst thou sprung
In deserts where no men abide,
Thou must have uncommended died.

     Small is the worth
Of beauty from the light retir'd:
     Bid her come forth,
Suffer herself to be desir'd,
And not blush so to be admir'd.

     Then die, that she
The common fate of all things rare
     May read in thee;
How small a part of time they share,
That are so wondrous sweet and fair.


"A Noiseless Patient Spider" by Walt Whitman

A noiseless patient spider,
I mark'd where on a little promontory it stood isolated,
Mark'd how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,
It launch'd forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself,
Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.

And you O my soul where you stand,
Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them,
Till the bridge you will need be form'd, till the ductile anchor hold,
Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul.


"Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae" by Ernest Dowson

"I am not as I was under the reign of the good Cynara"—Horace

Last night, ah, yesternight, betwixt her lips and mine
There fell thy shadow, Cynara! thy breath was shed
Upon my soul between the kisses and the wine;
And I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, I was desolate and bowed my head:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

All night upon mine heart I felt her warm heart beat,
Night-long within mine arms in love and sleep she lay;
Surely the kisses of her bought red mouth were sweet;
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
When I awoke and found the dawn was gray:
I have been faithful to you, Cynara! in my fashion.

I have forgot much, Cynara! gone with the wind,
Flung roses, roses riotously with the throng,
Dancing, to put thy pale, lost lilies out of mind;
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, all the time, because the dance was long;
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

I cried for madder music and for stronger wine,
But when the feast is finished and the lamps expire,
Then falls thy shadow, Cynara! the night is thine;
And I am desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, hungry for the lips of my desire:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

OMG WUT OMG

My mother is psychologically passive aggressively abusing me! Help! Send help!

pee ess: you know i lubs you mooooooooooooooo!

Life Imitates Art

Fuck it dude. I'm going bowling.

Now Continued

I would really like to stay at a hotel tonight, but its Season here and the rates end up around $100/night.

There was a brief period in my life where I wouldn't have blinked at that expense, especially if it meant relief and/or homicide prevention.

But these days....these days.

******************************

So, apparently there's a Male Rights Movement. I've only read some comments in this direction, so I can't be sure, but I think I can say with great prejudice that these all sound like whiny white dudes.

Here are some of the pressing issues making headlines:

Library Receives Request To Exclude Suess' "Hop On Pop"

Why? Well, let's allow the petitioner's to speak for themselves.

A patron requested that the children's classic be banned, saying it "encourages children to use violence against their fathers."

The complainant asked that the library remove the book and issue an apology to fathers in the greater Toronto area. . .

Well, this calls for a complete reevaluation.

-Green Eggs and Ham. Obviously pro-rapist and male privilege enforcing. Because "No" doesn't really mean "No." It means "Just badger me a thousand times and I'll finally give in."

-The Cat In The Hat. Stranger Danger! Also the fish obviously represents Jesus and stands in for our absent moral compasses. It's both Christian propaganda (fish is right, after all) and anti-Christian belittlement. In this case, Cat could be Satan, Women, Womyn, Muslims, and anybody who thinks differently than you, i.e. the wrong way.

-One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Racist. Encourages capitalistic reward myths and materialism.

-Horton Hears A Who. Obvious political pandering to liberal bleeding hearts. Horton, the majestic and self sufficient elephant, has his whole life derailed by the needs of a (literally) microscopic minority group. Just like all the Republicans have been supporting the deadbeat poor and disadvantaged groups who get welfare and live like kings. That's not opinion, that's science.

-The Lorax. Self evident tree hugging hippie crap. Stilfes industry. Prevents job growth. Greenpeace eco-terrorism.

-The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Perverse celebration of the toppling of Nietzschean ideals. A stoic and self sufficient realist has his hard won property and rights impinged upon by his careless neighbors. With no legal recourse, he takes matters into his own hands. Instead of being successful, we see our hero metaphorically emasculated and brainwashed into the hive mind. Instead of the affronted party, he ends up working for and with his inconsiderate neighbors. Thus, bleeding heart fairy tale entitlement wins another battle and a productive member of society is subverted.

Net Neutrality - Why We Should Care

I'm using this post to encourage discussion of the net neutrality debate and help folks decide what action is neccessary If you have any links you think are illustrative or helpful, please comment and I will add them in.

Here's one easy to understand explanation of just how important net neutrality is, what that actually means for the ISPs, and why the problem will not resolve itself in anybody's favor except the ISPs.

Summary: ISPs have found a legal loophole that allows them to NOT be classified as telecommunications providers. This absolves them of any restrictions AND any responsibility for content. It allows them to artificially slow down your services from different web sites, based on whether those web sites are willing to pay that ISP a fee for better service.

That is: you are paying Verizon/Comcast for a delivery service. They are now telling  you that they get to decide what gets delivered to you and when. In many cases, the ISP doing this is literally the only option for connection available. You can't shop around, competition is non existant, and you get to pay more money for shittier service than folks in places like Korea.

Chasing Sleep, Sleeping At The Keyboard

One of the strangest things about sleep is the cyclic nature of the stages and their relativity to your sense of satiation. I went to bed near one and woke up around 3:26 am and have felt fully awake since then.

Except for getting on the computer about 30 minutes ago. Which has since caused me to lapse into nod-like catnaps since. Which it should not, especially considering my photosensitivity. Curiouser and curiouser.

I'd be a great fool not to follow that rabbit down the hole. . .

Post Script: With a final wake up time of 7:06 am, I call the night a partial victory. :)