Same As It Ever Was

Woke up at 6:30 am. Watched dust motes in the sunlight filtering through the blinds. That's something I haven't observed in a long time. So beautiful, they seem like the secret shiny parts of sunlight, the hidden gold that sparkles and with which one might gild themselves.

I toss around the terms Zen, acceptance, letting it go, et cetera, a bit. Those are things I usually have to work towards. But every once in a while it just happens. Sometimes at the best time possible.

I have a friend and things got a little rocky for a bit and really devolved in a 24 hour period. Oh, email, how you let people hide. I was pretty worked up and desperately trying to calm down about the whole thing, when I received two more messages from the friend. One was very sweet and personal. The other was a blatant slap in the face and offended some of my most steadfast sensibilities.

In the moment of reading that email, I had a split second of clear choice: I could either react to this email and possibly end a friendship, or I could suck it up and maintain the friendship.

For once, it was a no brainer. Despite my profound offense, I chose to let it go. Just like that. It's like my brain did a flash computation and delivered unto me this summation: Fuck that, man--not worth it.

There is hurt and anger there, but I'm not going to pursue it. People are capable of all kinds of fucked up shit, especially given the right leverage, and expecting to be sacrosanct is inviting heartache.

It was only yesterday that I realized this marks the anniversary of my maiden No Fucks Given tour. Which is fabulous, because being in love means never having to give a fuck.

Wheeeeeee!