I came home today and decided to watch Tin Cup, about a man dating a shrink who pursues a game where your head is your biggest enemy, and follows a path from west Texas to North Carolina. Common enough themes, but resonant with me today more than other days.
One of the moments I appreciated most about the film was when Costner shot a game of golf using garden implements and a baseball bat. The form required for a good baseball swing is pretty much the mechanical opposite of what's required for a good golf swing. The man has his limits as an actor, but I think he's pretty good at the physical stuff.
In a cruel and ironic twist of fate, I am no natural athlete. Not even close. I've no natural skill or grace, a terrible-to-nonexistent sense of spatial relationships, and I always choke. The irony is that among my close friends and family, as an adult I've consistently pursued athletic and physical disciplines. I'm just no good at them. From shooting billiards (20+ years of wasted effort) to bowling to batting to martial arts to yoga to ballroom dance to archery to weight lifting, I'm a clumsy oaf with no style, no substance, and no sense of body dynamic.
I'm not fast, I'm not strong, I've got shit for aim and jack for stamina. In short, I've no gifts to make the journey easier.
There are those moments, so few I could count them on both hands, but there are those moments when everything else fades away and you simply are. Whether it's trying a kata for the first time, kumite for the hundredth time, a waltz turn, a yoga pose, a modified deadlift, or a slice shot in a corner pocket---there are those moments when you step outside the past and the future and exist in a tiny slice of Here and Now. Those moments are nothing short of glorious and exhilarating, and you simply get to Be.
I envy the people that get there more often than I. I envy the people that get there with more ease than I. I envy the people that work just as hard as I do, but achieve more and look better doing it. I've all but given up my physical pursuits. Hell, I've pretty much given up my mental pursuits.
I do so miss a nice game of pool, though.
Be glad you don't hang out with a bunch of personal trainers/cage-fighters. I feel so lame when I go to the gym with Woody. He's swinging 60lbs. kettlebells with some effort, but still it's looking easy, while this dude that trains us, Jim, he can do damn-near anything. A fucking freak of nature is what he is.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you when you have those moments of doing every single movement, every single breath, it's all perfect and you don't look like an idiot when you do it. I live for those moments.