So, I stopped by a grocery store after work today. Finally.
It was much nicer than I expected. I guess Ralph's vary by location.
Anyhoo, in a classic case of This Doesn't Happen To Normal People, my first stop was the deli. The two worker there were finishing up a conversation. I guess I looked amenable to waiting, because they continued some chatter about a woman that had managed to get pregnant 10 times. The deli lady was of the opinion that at some point
"You just get something tied off or something."
Her companion spent most of his time ducking behind the counter and trying to keep from hyperventilating from laughter.
"But you know, her pastor had said that he didn't believe in birth control, so she was there with 10 kids."
At this point I opened my big mouth and said, "Isn't it funny how people who don't believe in birth control are always the people that don't have 10 kids?"
This earned me a high five from the guy behind the counter, and full entry into the strange gossipy world of Ralph's Deli section.
A few miscarriage, secret birth control, vasectomy, and clap-penicillin stories later, my deli lady conceded my point that things had changed, and one really had to worry about more than just unwanted pregnancies these days.
"I know. Now you get something and your stuff just start falling off. Like in that movie Grundelfly. You remember that movie."
Well, I was still recovering from the image of genitalia falling off all over the city, but I managed to squeak out that I wasn't familiar with film in question.
"You know, it's from the '80s. With that one guy. The one with the big eyes. Jeff Goldblum! And his parts start falling off and keeps them stored up in a cabinet."
Well, that did it for me. I was a goner. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Grundelfly (American title: The Fly)--and the best goddamn movie synopsis since my moo described Army of Darkness. (Sorry, but that story is a treasure that we keep in the immediate friends and family circle. So we can tell intruders and pod people from our own kind).
I cried re-telling this story tonight. I've got tears in my eyes right now. Fucking Grundelfly.
Grundelfly was the vilest film ever conceived! However, the Ralph's narrative was worth having to recall that loathsome movie.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, however, you dangle something like the Army of Darkness story before your readers and then withhold it? Is that fair?
Look forward to your next sortie to Ralph's.
--bubblebabble
It was a Croneberg movie, right? I've never seen it, but his films are usually really disturbing. Unpleasant. Mortification of the flesh, and all that.
ReplyDeleteThe Ralph's trip was surreal, and yet so typical of my life. I can't stop laughing about Grundelfly. I hope to use that word till the day I die.
Working is conspiring to make me insane. I was seriously just sitting here, laughing, b/c the MAJOR PROJECT I was working on probably has all the wrong numbers, and may not be due for another week. Which is okay, except that I shelved a bunch of other stuff that people are asking me about.
No rest for the wicked. Blargh.
Ok. I'm sitting here snickering and trying hard not to bust out laughing, because I'd wake the baby.
ReplyDeleteJesus. That shit's funny dude.
Baby, you'd dig it the most.
ReplyDeleteIt was Shirley Q. all up in that place.