#EndOfTheWorldConfessions

Inspired by  http://www.facebook.com/hotsauce18433

I'm actually relived that it's the end of the world, because my unemployment just ran out. Now I don't have to get a job. Thanks Mayans! #EndOfTheWorldConfessions 

Mom and Dad--I lied. It wasn't drug experimentation. It was a clinical dedicated case study with laboratories, government grants, and lots and lots of field tests. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

Exes--you were right. "I'm fine" was actually code for "I want to rip your spine out with your skull still attached and flail your helpless body with it."#EndOfTheWorldConfessions

I love Journey. Un-ironically. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

The jokes about stalking hot mens? Not jokes. Don't tell my parole officer. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

While you weren't looking, I licked the rim of your drink. This actually applies to everyone, ever. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

I would have probably slept with you if you'd managed to keep your mouth shut. Yakkity yak yak. . . Lord, I hate a yakking man. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

I'm the person at the party who clogged your toilet. Then drove away. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

I didn't forget your birthday/anniversary/event. I was just too lazy to drive to the store and buy you a card. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

I have Kanye West and Lady Gaga songs on my iPod in heavy rotation. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions

It wasn't really cancer. I just said that to make everybody feel guilty and be nice to me. It didn't work out nearly as well as planned. #EndOfTheWorldConfessions