Adrien Brody Resurfaces!

My attorney has advised me that posts like these should come with extra super duper disclaimers. Actually, my attorney keeps trying to get me to stop posting and delete a bunch of stuff. BUT THE SHOW MUST GO ON. Anyways, just keep in mind that I'm not real, I don't get much sleep these days, my assertions aren't real, and nothing I say should be taken seriously by anyone. Ever. The Matrix has you, Neo. 

Ho ho ho! What is this? My sweet baby!

ABrods, looking like the pensive hepcat he is.

 He's been bumming around Europe for a bit (I think). He hangs out on yachts, goes to Cannes, you know, just like how I've been spending my off time.

This saucy minx. . . I want photos of him shooting finger guns. Kwanzaa prezzie! Anyone? Anyone?

Oh, so happy to have some pics to scroll throu--waitaminute. What is that?

 What

 

The

 Hell?!?!?!?

So, some gorgeous model type has rolled up on my honey pie? Well, I'm sure it's not ser--

Hold the phone, there, Sparky. I'm onto this interloper. I think we can all see that she's manipulating ABrods, trying to subliminally affect his psyche. I mean, just look at that dress. It's like waving a whiskey bottle in front of an alkie in DTs. Know what I mean? No? Well, let me illustrate:

Remind you of anybody's dress?

That's right. Look real close. Artful wench! How many boxes do you think that took?

 That cruel temptress! She has taken his greatest strength and turned it into an Achilles heel! And why didn't I think of this first?

Oh Adrien, you lovely, impressionable, flu-season fearing darling. I will just have to remind myself that this phase will pass away with the winter months. And pray that you aren't prone to hay fever.

And I may not be tall, beautiful, or able to strategically apply tissue paper as clothing, but I will always love your profile, The Brothers Bloom, and never ever ever watch The Pianist or The Jacket again. See, I can promise you things.

Denial Survey Says: That's not a kiss. He's just about to sneeze.

All photos: WENN and Celebitchy