out of my hands

it would have been nice
to have, i think

to have something warm to share
to have someone who saw you, and wanted to see more

but i was foolish and weak
and believed things that were too good to be true
from a source i know is prone to be mercurial

what was i thinking?
well, i was thinking this was a bad idea that would hurt me
but i was real busy hoping
and all that stupid, feckless hope drowned out the truth

i thought i'd grown past being disappointed by surefire failures
was beyond being hurt by impossible promises
had become inured to ridiculous fantasy

but all the pieces of my life fell in such a jumble
i was so lost
(i am so lost)
and for a moment i wanted to feel good
to feel love
to believe in good luck, good fortune, happy accidents, true hearts, true friendship, honesty

and the tiny spark of feeling loved in return

(the problem with that word is that so few people can agree on a definition)

i'm too old and broken for this shit
and perhaps i'm just not cut out for it anyway

turn off the sign
pull down the gates
close up the shop, maybe we can find a home to wander into