bleh

The office grind has this way of seeping into your bones, creating aches and twinges in the nooks and crannies of you neck and your soul.

It's not sadness, it's just . . . sameness. The futility of effort. The never ending slog through all the messes that people make.

Good thing I'm a temp. And this is a decent job with good people. It's all in my head. And maybe in the flourescent lighting. Seriously. That stuff is vile.

First world problems.

When To Call It, What To Call It

Here's one way to tell it: 

• Woke up and my foot is still a problem. The blister has left a crater in my heel. Were I a grosser, more sadistic person, I’d post a photo. Shoes hurt.
• Running behind, can’t stop for breakfast. And by breakfast, I mean my RDA of the Pepsi Colas and the Dr. Peppers. 
• Get to parking garage, lock keys in car.
• Locked out of computer at work. (Noticing a theme here?) Spend 10-20 minutes on hold with IT trying to get back on.
• Get pulled into surprise conference call at work. Literally have a phone to each ear as I try to coordinate getting locksmith.
• Locksmith arrives 30 minutes early. Good thing I finally answered my phone.
•  Locksmith can’t get into parking garage. Clock out from work and walk down to garage. . .
•  . . . Where I proceed to give the locksmith the wrong street entrance. Twice. Good times.
• Somewhere in all of this, traditional period cramps return with a surprising amount of vigor.

  

It’s fair to say that somewhere in all of this I got extremely flustered. But there’s an important point here of which I try to remind anyone who thinks my life is too awful:

In this world, there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. The story is all in how you tell it. Because: 

• I’m wearing my most comfortable pants and a fairly pretty new shirt today.
• My hair is not perfect, but it looks a bajillion times better than it did Monday. Also the zit on my nose mysteriously disappeared overnight.
• On a hunch and motivated by financial desperation, I called Ye Olde Credit Carde Company. I get AAA-like benefits and can get my car unlocked for free.
• I packed my dorky and inappropriate but very comfortable sandals. I wear them to run down to the garage.
• The sun is out and it’s a beautiful day.
• Even though I totally bollocks the directions, the locksmith is super friendly and nice when I finally do meet up with him.
• I use my clock out time to grab some beverages and jerky. To go.

"I'll take a glazed doughnut. And a bottle of anything. . . to go!"

Upon returning to the office, I decided to invoke a McConaugheDay, modified, of course.

For those of you new to the concept, a McConaugheDay is when, no matter what, everything is just “alright, alright, alright.”

It’s related to No Fucks Given. I’ve only invoked them in the past on a day off. Usually bowling is involved.

But here’s the thing about life: it tends to get easier the more slack you cut other people. There may not even be such a thing as true altruism, from my perspective, since most things are done to indirectly benefit the self, in some way. Rather than focus on the depressingly selfish side of that, I like to think of it as a really great incentive to make the world a better place.

So I’m calling it a McConaugheDay. It’s gonna be a test of my Zen and ability to Give As Few Fucks As Possible. But I think it’s worth a shot.

And no sooner was I looking up that lovely David Lee Roth image above than the Senior Partner comes over to educate me about how the expense report I submitted was wrong* and how I should stop my boss from doing such thing**.

And you know what? I ain’t even mad. Not upset, not victimized. not guilty, not picked on.

Perhaps the McConaugheDay is more powerful than I credited. We shall see.

*he don’t know the half of it. srsly.

** as if! ha!

That Really Hurt My Feelings

Chitauri energy blast wound corresponds to my pain, somewhat.

But I'll get over it.

I guess, despite my best attempts, I ask for too much.

Maybe that's at the core of whatever is wrong with me: I want too much and therefore will always be disappointed?

Or maybe not.

And the days went by
Like paper in the wind
Everything changed
Then changed again

I wonder if anybody could hear the Wildflowers album and not like it. Is that possible? I know some people say they don't care for Tom Petty, but isn't Wildflowers just a trump record? I can't really be objective, I guess, since I love Tom Petty to itty bitty pieces.

I'm in an immense amount of pain right now and we are hitting one of those transcendent moments--this kinda pain can make you just as goofy as any med. It probably says something profoundly disturbing about my psyche that these are times I feel compelled to record and communicate. When I am probably so least able. But I'm willing to cut myself the slack of acknowledging desperatizing circusmstances. I just made that word up. I don't care.

Wow, I've totally lost my train of thought with this. Because Blogger just quit working for about 20 minutes.

WTF? Even the Interwebz is against me!! Shock!! Horror!! AaaaIiiiiEeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

It's a couple of degrees below Melting today, so there's that. We are grateful. Praise jebus.

Here's something awesome I saw today:

I can't even win at Angry Birds. How dafuc does this happen? I must be the leftover DNA. It's probably good I'm not reproducing.

In Cold Weather, A Man Needs A Glove

In times like this, a lonely man like me needs love. . . 

My silly DJ subconscious strikes again.

Got up this morning at made myself finish resume overhaul. Granted, it may be less of a stunning resume than I intended, but I did manage to get two job applications submitted today. I feel that this evens it out.

Gah--is there anything more torturous than working on your own resume? I can go gangbusters on anybody else's, but mine always puts me in a quagmire of uninspired blather.

Been back on the West Coast a week, still haven't unpacked completely. I'm getting a terrible urge to reorganize my room. I'm trying to stomp it down, but I have a feeling it's going to run amok here pretty soon. Which wouldn't be such a big deal, except that there's really not much point in reorganized anything because it doesn't make much difference to the space I'm living in. I have the room I have, and no amount of box-switching shall change that figure.

hmmmmmm

4:30 A.M CDT Is No Time To Be Eating Porkchops & Chicken

But if not now, when?

Though this seems like a wholly inappropriate hour to be arriving home, it was a good night.

Friends were there, and there again in the form of rides and late night companionship. I got to play shuffleboard, badly, and ping pong, fairly badly.

I got to listen to Al Green, Asia, AC/DC, and Dean Martin on vinyl.

I bowled some shittay games today, but finished with a 148.

A dear friend danced me around the living room, not dropping me once. :)

Another dear friend took ten seconds to tell me I was worth more than I thought.

I was asked a very personal questions that I declined to answer. But it was very interesting, because I've been thinking about those kinds of things, and specifically the fact that I don't talk about them, quite a bit recently. Don't know why.

Home again. A bit of rest before furhter adventures.

CatWatch! 2014: The Reign Of Sweetie Man Draws To A Close

Well, Saturday morning marked the end of Ket Relocation Project in District Feline.

Due to some personal issues, Sweetie Man was not able to return to DF in the evening, but the owner was home by then.

The prior evening revealed that the kets have decided to work on the owner's plumbing problems.

Kets say: You gotta watch out for the old tarpaper and cast iron pipes in these old houses. Mind the 4 foot drop.

Saturday marked our first "Provisions on Back Deck Only" day. So I went extra early and set up a lovely little ket environment.

Ket füd. Bonus wet füd not shown.

Ket treats and ket shelter (bed tucked under pool).

Then it was time to seek out Ket contact in the front yard.

Firstly, we set a bowl of delicious, nutritious wet ket füd out front. TWEEST: füd is 3 feet from me.

Secondly, we lob some dry treats at kets, creating trail to wet füd.

Thirdly, we bring ket toy to tempt otherwise sated kets.

Kets sighted, but no one is approaching.

Why, hello there. What's this?

Pretending to be disinterested.

Casually checking it out.

Preparing skillful pounce.

Raaah! Ket Atteck!

Dragging off kill.

I don't know if that video will come through. That's essentially my version of forcing you to look at endless pictures of my kids on my phone. In other words: it is essentially pointless and probably very boring.

After a day of big kills on the savannah, some kets seemed to be a little more confident about Sweeties.

That's right, follow the Sweetie Trail.

Closer, closer. . . .

BAM! Less than 3 feet away!

Aww yeah. Sweetie Man Strikes Again!

Despite all my attempts, these kets were clearly not ready for petting or snuggles of any kind. Which is disappointing. Let's take a look at our goals for this Ket Project:

Goals:

1. Get kittehs used to eating around people, shamelessly leverage Pavlovian techniques.
2. Convince kitteh to come within a 4 ft radius of a person.
3. Relocate eating area from under the house to the back porch. The long way. Erg.

Well, maybe 2.5 out of 3 goals accomplished. It's a start, at least.

Sweetie Man, out.

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

CatWatch! 2014: Day Five

Day Five dawns on our Ket Relocation and Domestication Project. You could call it a "cat's in the bag" effort. If by "in the bag" you mean "desperately trying to trap small furry animals on a back porch."

Sweetie Man would like to take this moment for a personal note: this iPhone camera sucks. I am so disappoint. SM misses the simple, lost flip phone who's AI wasn't smarter than SM.

Armed with supplies, it was time to implement the next phase: Come to District Porch, It's Totally Not Like A Concentration Camp!

Utilizing new strategeries and careful ket füd placement, the game is afoot!

The trap is set!

Erik the Red makes the first move. He's about 4 feet from me right now.

But ho! What ket through yonder window breaks? Tis Gizmo!

Look at that wonky little head. Adorable.

Giz and Bigfoot. I get the feeling Biggie there isn't quite onboard the Sweetie Train yet.

First sighting of Daddeh Ket. He looks very thin and is quite skittish. He still got some Sweeites, though. SM made sure of it.

Look who is interested in the ket toy.

How did I balance the subtle motions needed for the cat toy with stillness and the ability to take this picture? Incredible Toe-Fu. Practice, grasshopper. And always wear sandals.

 Apologies for unintentionally artsy photos. Really need to make myself learn how to work this stupid phone. Maybe motivation will strike and these pics will be shopped into a better quality. Don't wait on that.

Handing out Sweeties is serious business, but it's important to be comfortable. That may explain why it's possible that Sweetie Man was at District Feline today in jim jams and without the appropriate support garments. Which is fine. Until the owner's landlord AND best friend show up. That's when you realize you should have worn regulation gear into the field.

Whoops.

Tomorrow marks the final day of the Ket Project, as the owner will be returning. It does not look as though we will reach our goal of Ket Encounters of the Third Kind, but some progress has been made. Maybe we will have a Momma Ket feeding sighting tomorrow. Here's to hoping!

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

CatWatch! 2014: Setbacks and Bribery

At the end of the last shift, we returned to District Feline to find that shenanigans had been afoot.

Vandals! Also, not real impressed with this phone camera.

Sweetie Man was back on the case the next day, but there was trouble down in DF. A Cat Whisperer and I arrived to an empty front yard--no Erik insouciantly sunning himself.

All kets were hiding and except for a few furtive darts, even Erik the Bold was in seclusion. It was an unsettling development. We ultimately concluded that something or someone had been in the yard and scared them.

What does one do in such a situation? Well, if you are Sweetie Man, you have a few tricks up your sleeve. Namely, Canned Ket Füd.

You see, you can only get so far with a ket on normal food. Fortunately for the progression of the Trans Catlantic Migration, Sweetie Man had shown up with these special cat treats on this day.

Can you spot the ket?

One, Two, Two Kets At Vonce! Ahahahaha!

My Cat Whispering companion made a sizable donation of time and funds to our project, and many new lovely ket bowls, ket beds, ket füdz and other supplies were purchased. Which Sweetie Man promptly forget to photograph. But the efforts and support are much appreciated.

Our benefactor also asked why Sweetie Man was running around town speaking with a Pakistani accent. Suspect this is shade thrown on dubious Afrikaans dialect. However, did not stop Sweetie Man from continuing to use accent. All. Damn. Day.

So, a bit of setback for Ket-SweeiteMan relations, but the power of Wet Füd won out in the end.

CatWatch! 2014: Baby Steps

Haha! Day 3 of Ket Relocation has seen some milestones.

First, let's talk about Proper Motivation.

Emergency Provisional Ket Treats. Distributor may have eaten one or two while standing on porch. Don't judge. Was my breakfast.

So, armed with a New Sweetie, we make some strategic adjustments to our food outposts. In addition, we've got a Special Sweetie bowl out back for Momma Ket and a Temptation Bowl at the edge of the frontier.

Erik the Bold is serious about his ket füd.

Muhahahaha! My nuanced strategery is working. Bowl #3 is Temptation Bowl. I don't know if kets will go for smoked ersters, but it's worth a shot.

I think this one is called Tiger.

Ket emerges from safety of porch, regards me dubiously. But partakes of treat pile. I think this is Bigfoot. Please note, I did not name these poor kittehs.

Wishing to avoid the prior day's facial disfigurement, Sweetie Man opted for a casual shorts and shirt ensemble. Totally appropriate for Field Work. Made it out of there with fewer bites on face: good. Results on rest of body: well. . . .

Yeah, pretty sure I should have gotten a malaria shot before all this. I don't know when I became so delectable to mosquitoes. Maybe they are desperate.

Erik the Red continues his bravery, voluntarily coming within three feet of me today. He ain't skeered.

Guess who started to run up to me before he thought better of it this morning?

Tonight will show if the other kets have taken to the relocation process. At this rate, I will have them in the backyard by April 2015. Sweetie Man is going to have to get a little more serious about the Sweeties.

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

CatWatch! 2014: Sweetie Man To The Rescue

So, yesterday I got a call from a fellow Cat Wrangler who couldn't make it in to town for Ket Füd duties.

Looks like a job for You Know Who!

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/

So I zoomed down to District Feline and commenced Stage 2 of the Ket Relocation Project.

Ket füd relocation--we are now in the field. Repeat, we have engaged the ket in the field.

Erik doesn't let real estate get in the way of noms.

The untrained eye might not spot the Lurking Kitteh in this picture. Diagrammed for your convenience.

When a ket sticks its face in its crotch in front of you, you can confirm: is definitely Ket.

Momma Ket was hanging around in the backyard, which is the relocation goal. So maybe there is some hope.

Sweetie Man wised up and wore pants this time to protect against the turrible mosquitoes. So Sweetie Man ended up with mosquito bites to the face rather than the legs.

Sweetie Man may have to reconsider some strategies.

Credit for all Wikus manips used in CatWatch! 2014 to MizHowlinMad over at deviantart. http://mizhowlinmad.deviantart.com/