Why'd Ya Go And Do That?

Did you know that Mandy Patinkin and Madonna recorded a Sondheim duet together? These things do happen.

this is gonna hurt like hell

Bad times a-coming and a-coming up fast. Loved ones on my mind and in my heart. I wish with all my heart I could make things different.

if wishes were fishes we'd all cast nets

What I Love About Bruce Springsteen Is. . .

. . . How he can write a sharp political protest song and still make me giggle like ze leetle girl.

Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce!

Living In The Future
Magic
Bruce Springsteen, officially
Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, in reality

That Really Hurt My Feelings

Chitauri energy blast wound corresponds to my pain, somewhat.

But I'll get over it.

I guess, despite my best attempts, I ask for too much.

Maybe that's at the core of whatever is wrong with me: I want too much and therefore will always be disappointed?

Or maybe not.

And the days went by
Like paper in the wind
Everything changed
Then changed again

I wonder if anybody could hear the Wildflowers album and not like it. Is that possible? I know some people say they don't care for Tom Petty, but isn't Wildflowers just a trump record? I can't really be objective, I guess, since I love Tom Petty to itty bitty pieces.

I'm in an immense amount of pain right now and we are hitting one of those transcendent moments--this kinda pain can make you just as goofy as any med. It probably says something profoundly disturbing about my psyche that these are times I feel compelled to record and communicate. When I am probably so least able. But I'm willing to cut myself the slack of acknowledging desperatizing circusmstances. I just made that word up. I don't care.

Wow, I've totally lost my train of thought with this. Because Blogger just quit working for about 20 minutes.

WTF? Even the Interwebz is against me!! Shock!! Horror!! AaaaIiiiiEeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

It's a couple of degrees below Melting today, so there's that. We are grateful. Praise jebus.

Here's something awesome I saw today:

I can't even win at Angry Birds. How dafuc does this happen? I must be the leftover DNA. It's probably good I'm not reproducing.

Is It Something In The Air?

I think I'm in a really weird mood right now.

This is one of those "I've heard this song a million times but today it struck a nerve" moments. It may seem trite, but I know this person and I know this feeling and it hurts in a horrible way. Aches. Twinges. Grieving for something you have yet to lose.

Music is so powerful. You have to be careful how much you let it influence you.

Step one, you say, We need to talk
He walks, you say, Sit down, it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

I know better than to be so melancholy. Fortunately, "Sledgehammer" just came on. So I'm sure I'll be bouncing about it a bit. I'm such a twit. Peter Gabriel is so wonderfully direct about his dirtiness. :)

This is the new stuff. . . We go dancing in

When I Awoke At 4:30 a.m. I Thought. . .

. . . that I should get out of bed and just get all my chores done.

So, when I finally got out of bed between 7 and 8, I thought: Okay, I can get all of my chores done this morning.

After some morning staggering around and cruising the net (always a bad idea, always) and reasoned by 11:00 at the latest, I could get it all done. Then I looked at my clock.

10:12 am.

Whoops.

Well, I'm here to report that at 11:22 am the majority of my chores were done. Aided greatly by doing piecemeal chores in the two days leading up and my Hall & Oates Pandora station.

The H&O station was a little off, thematically, but it played several awesome songs in a row, which makes it all okay. For now.

I closed out with "Eye of the Tiger" and we just hit H&O gold: "She's Gone." This is possibly the greatest video ever. Penguin hand guitar. Devils. Bad lip syncing.

Get it? He'd pay the devil to replace her. Get it? I'm pretty convinced if I ever shot a video it would look like this.

Among the awesome songs shuffled through was "Miss You" by the Rolling Stones. Familiar with it? If you are like me, that song has been a part of your life so long that you don't even know the lyrics. Like, you sing along with Jagger's mushmouth ultra-twang, but you probably haven't stopped to consider what the song is about, how unique it sounds, etc. Sometimes you don't even realize you are singing along. Let's call it the R.E.M phenomenon (LEONARD BERNSTEIN!).

Here's the video if you need a refresher. If you aren't familiar with this song, I don't know if you would find this funny.

I will forever associate this song with my two friends, J-Dog and tink. It helps remind me that normal is totally relative.

J and I are in the front seat, J's driving, and tink is chilling in the back. We are all in town for holidays or something. "Miss You" comes on the radio and, rather unconsciously I think, J and I start singing the parts we know. Please note, this is first time I've ever looked up these lyrics.

Mumble hum
Mumble hum blah
(Lord/Mumble/Gibberish) I miss you 
Something something phone
Mumble something
Something hum
mumble something something you


Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh

I think that might have been the part that led tink to lean forward to catch the song. If you think about it, synchronized Ooooohs are prolly pretty weird sounding with no context.

Mumble mumble
lots of humming
Making shit up
Blah blah something, humming for a while

When the phone rings

It's just a friend of mine that say
"Hey, what's the matter, man?
We're gonna come around at twelve
With some Puerto Rican girls that are just DYING' to MEET YOU
We're gonna bring a case of wine
Hey, let's go mess and fool around
You know, like we USED to"

Now, bless her, tink managed to make it through that outburst without saying anything. Oblivious in the front seat, J and I continue our scattered hum along, until we reach the next good part.

I've been walking in Central Park
Singing after dark
(creepy whisper) People think I'm crazy
Stumbling on my feet
Shuffling through the street
Asking people, "What's the matter WICHOO, boy?"
Sometimes I want to say to, to myself
Sometimes I say

Imagine two people just bust that out. You can't really hear the song, aren't familiar with it, and your friends seem to singing some ode to Puerto Ricans and repetitive nonsense sound. I think, fairly, tink had enough and demanded, "What the HELL is this song?"

I don't think J and I fully appreciated how confusing the whole thing was. If I recall correctly, we finished out the song. With profound shit, like

Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh

Aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah

Lord, I miss you child

It was a small moment. You probably had to be there. It makes me smile.

ETA: Just watched the beginning of that Stones video. Holy crap, y'all. I think I know where Ted Levine got his inspiration for the Buffalo Bill dance scene. My mind. It is blown.

He's Still Beautiful, I Still Love Him

This man has had a profound effect upon my life. I ever meet him, I hope I have the presence of mind to kiss him soundly in thanks.

My subconscious is playing tricks on me again, this song appearing in my head before I could even reason why.

Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry

Whoa! Didn't See That One Coming

Genesis, Invisible Touch (Live), The Way We Walk-Vol. 1: The Shorts (Live)


She don't like losing, to her it's all a game
Though she will fuck up your life, you'll want her just the same
Now I know
She has the built in ability
To take everything she sees
Now it seems I've fallen, fallen for her

Goodness Phil, I didn't know you had it in you. Apparently shit gets real at a Genesis concert.

My Oh My, You Sure Know How To Arrange Things

You set it up so well, so carefully

Auld Lang Syne
--Bobby Burns

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp!
and surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,
and pu’d the gowans fine ;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,
frae morning sun till dine ;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
and gie's a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.

    For auld lang syne, my jo,
    for auld lang syne,
    we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
    for auld lang syne

And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain

"Your Scar Looks Good"

I hear that a bit. It's funny.

"Your scar looks good."

I never cared about the scar, but it's quite a discussion point among the surgeons, nurses, etc. I got more unsolicited consolation and reassurance about my scar than I did for the cancer. Nothing about what would happen later.

It's funny because the only people who spot the scar are fellow thyroidectomy patients. Even though my scar looks "great" any thyroidectomy patients zone in on it like a laser. From People who know me to virtual office strangers have engaged me on the subject with no preamble.

I am leaving I am leaving but the fighter still remains


my teeth have turned the wrong shape for my mouth

I'll take your part when darkness comes

Man, Art Garfunkel's voice is almost angelic at times.

Why do we so easily lose sight of goals that would provide relief and comfort? How can we know so much about what goes on inside of each other, yet still fail to create a system of mutual benefit?

Holy Moly Frijoles. I'm on a YouTube autoplay, and somehow I'm watching Phantom of the Opera with Sara Brightman and Antonio. Fucking. Banderas?

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

That's Life

It has been a pretty shitty scene around these parts lately.

However, right now I'm sitting in a balmy house in Venice Beach. The door and windows are all open. Cats are wandering in and out. The Chairman of the Board is singing about his favorite years while I lounge in a club chair made from the aluminum and leather of a WWII plane.

My friend blau is kindly fixing all the stuff I've hosed up on my beloved Mac, between light speed packing for his departure in under an hour.

It's strangely peaceful, this moment. I am grateful for that.

What Can't Stay Goes Away

In his eyes I see the fear that only time can disappear, if only time would reappear--now's the time.
XO Mom, it's okay, it's alright, nothing's wrong.
The only thing that's real are the kids that kid themselves and the demise of the beautiful.
You're losing all your highs and lows, ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
When I get what I want, well, I never want it again.
Troubles I got on my mind; they don't fit no other person.
 Smoked too many cigarettes today, I'm not happy when I act this way.
So it is: the shorter story, no love, no glory, no hero in her skies.
There are promises broken and promises kept; angry words that were spoken when I should have wept.
And the battles were lost and the bitter defeat; there's a page where we fail to meet.
For the moment we're alone: she's alone and I'm alone, and now I know it.
Every day, every hour, I wish that I was bulletproof.
But you got away, didn't you baby--just turned your back on the crowd.
A man like me is dead in places that other men feel liberated.
What if what you do to survive kills the thing you love?
Wearing her face that she keeps in a jar by the door, who is it for?
It wears her out, it wears her out.
When you love someone and it goes to waste, could it be worse?
Inside the doors are sealed to love, inside my heart is sleeping.
One day I am gonna grow wings, a chemical reaction, hysterical and useless.
Just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl. 

Chestnut Brown Canary, Ruby Throated Sparrow

It's weird what you wake up with in your head.

I think this is the part where I'm supposed to talk about how some people really don't seem to understand what's going on in my life. Because if they did, surely they wouldn't treat me the way they have.

But I don't want to spend another post whining about my life. It's hard to express, but I am super stressed out--I'm very much on the edge. I guess either it's hard to tell that, or people just don't believe it. It's pretty rough to get lectured when you thought everything was okay, you were planning responsibly (or so you thought), and you were really focused on having a good time with your friends.

In other words, I know I'm a fuck up. I really don't need anybody reminding me of this. I live it every day.

I have to give a shout-out to Handy J, who gave me some awesome, sage-like, and deceptively sweet advice.


another night slips away
in other words i should say
there are no words he should say
there are no words

See Angels Dangle By the Seraphim

I know that the world just clamors to know what's on my mind, going on in my daily life, etc.

Since my musical taste is ~so~ influential, I thought I'd post a playlist.

Now, this playlist was made somewhere around midnight or 1 a.m., after a long day, in a sort of frenzied fog of getting ready for an appointment the next day. I field tested this for the first time at said appointment.

Until replaying the list in my car, I didn't realize how many songs I'd put on there.

Without further ado, I give you: Blue Steel.

Five String Serenade	Mazzy Star	Mr. Brownstone	Guns N Roses
Feel Good Inc.	Gorillaz	Murder By Numbers	The Police
Evil (Is Going On)	Howlin' Wolf	My Favourite Game	The Cardigans
Everything She Wants	Wham	My Wife Things Your Dead	Junior Brown
Encore: Nessun dorma	Carreras, Pavarotti, Domingo	New Amsterdam	Elvis Costello & the Attractions
Elegantly Wasted	INXS	No Myth	Michael Penn
Eminence Front	The Who	Not If You Were the Last Junkie On Earth	The Dandy Warhols
Dyslexic Heart	Paul Westerberg	Nude	Radiohead
Dream Brother	Jeff Buckley	Open All Night	Bruce Springsteen
Don't Shed a Tear	Paul Carrack	I'll Wait	Van Halen
Don't Get Around Much Anymore	Harry Connick, Jr.	Is She Really Going Out With Him?	Joe Jackson
Displaced	Azure Ray	It's Not Unusual	Tom Jones
Discotheque	U2	Kick Some Ass	Stroke 9
Delia's Gone	Johnny Cash	Love Child	Diana Ross & The Supremes
Come a Little Bit Closer	Jay & The Americans	Onion Soup	Vic Chesnutt
Cocaine Blues	Johnny Cash	Polyester Bride	Liz Phair
Bring It On Home to Me	Sam Cooke	Polythene Pam	The Beatles
Breakfast in America	Supertramp	Pretending (Live)	Eric Clapton
Big Night Out	Fun Lovin' Criminals	Prophecy	Remy Zero
Bernadette (Stereo)	The Four Tops	Road Trippin'	Red Hot Chili Peppers
Badfish	Sublime	Saline the Salt Lake Queen	Rasputina
Add It Up	Violent Femmes	Sabotage	Beastie Boys
Glory Box	Portishead	Seven Nation Army	The White Stripes
Got Me Under Pressure	ZZ Top	Seven Seas Of Rhye	Queen
Have You Forgotten	Red  House Painters	Shelter From the Storm	Bob Dylan
Hell	Squirrel Nut Zippers	Sherry Darling	Bruce Springsteen
Hello Goodbye	The Beatles	Shoop	Salt-n-Pepa
High Speed	Coldplay	Sister Havana	Urge Overkill
Home	Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros	Smooth Criminal	Michael Jackson
Hook	Blues Traveler	Standing on the Corner	Dean Martin
How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Can Have Me)	Spin Doctors	Straighten Up and Fly Right	Nat King Cole
(I Know) I'm Losing You	Rod Stewart	Supervixen	Garbage
I Was Made to Love Her	Stevie Wonder	Sway	Dean Martin
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)	The Proclaimers	Tesko Suicide	Sneaker Pimps
I'm Your Man	Leonard Cohen	There's No Home For You Here Girl	The White Stripes
I've Got To See You Again	Norah Jones	Trouble	Over the Rhine
Immigrant Song	Led Zeppelin	Try a Little Tenderness	Otis Redding
Insane In the Brain	Cypress Hill	Uninvited	Alanis Morissette
Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)	Marvin Gaye	Violet Hill	Coldplay
Jump Around	House Of Pain	War	Edwin Starr
Kiss That Frog	Peter Gabriel	Wax Ecstatic (To Sell Angelina)	Sponge
La Grange	ZZ Top	We'll Be Together	Sting
Lemon	U2	When the Levee Breaks	Led Zeppelin
Little Red Riding Hood	The Coasters (aka The Robins)	White Blank Page	Mumford & Sons
Lost!	Coldplay	White, Discussion	Live
Love Unlimited	Fun Lovin' Criminals	Up On The Hill	Fun Lovin' Criminals
Magic	Bruce Springsteen	Walls (Circus)	Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Mama Look a Boo Boo	Harry Belafonte	What'd I Say Parts I & II	Ray Charles
Mambo, Italiano	Dean Martin	You've Got to Hide Your Love Away	The Beatles
6 Underground	Sneaker Pimps	#1 Crush	Garbage

Yeah, I need to get a job.