Blather. Wince. Repeat.

Blather. Wince. Repeat.
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts

Thursday, August 11, 2016

PSA: Your Water Isn't Safe

Madre de dios. Sorry about the downer nature of Blahg, lately. But this seems important and I don't do the facespace/mybooks, so pls pass along.


https://www.researchgate.net/blog/post/6-million-americans-have-unsafe-levels-of-toxic-chemicals-in-their-drinking-water

RG: Can you provide insights into why these toxic levels of PFASs are more likely to be found in certain states?

Hu: Drinking water from 13 states accounted for 75 percent of the detections, including, in order of frequency of detection: California, New Jersey, North Carolina, Alabama, Florida, Pennsylvania, Ohio, New York, Georgia, Minnesota, Arizona, Massachusetts, and Illinois.

I'll update if I find any info on detecting/securing a clean supply. The chemicals in question are extremely difficult to remove, even at water treatment plants.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Hide Yo Kids! Hide Yo Wife! It's Prions!

I keep telling you fewlz that teh prions is big bad news. You all laugh at me, but SCIENCE backs me up, once again.

Prions Steal Your Happiness, Fuck Up Your Life.

Seriously, prions are linked to depression.

WHY DO THE SCIENTISTS KEEP MAKING THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!?




MLA Citation
Publicase Comunicação Científica. "Sequestered prion protein takes the good mood away, suggests new hypothesis on depression." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 13 August 2015. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150813104308.htm>.

Journal Source 1
Danielle Beckman, Luis E. Santos, Tatiana A. Americo, Jose H. Ledo, Fernando G. de Mello, Rafael Linden. Prion Protein Modulates Monoaminergic Systems and Depressive-like Behavior in Mice. Journal of Biological Chemistry, 2015; 290 (33): 20488 DOI: 10.1074/jbc.M115.666156



Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Doctor Visits: Bitterness and Apathy Ahoy

Here's how it went:

Spent 4 hours at clinic a few weeks ago for endometriosis appt. They couldn't do anything but write me an Rx for ibuprofen. And try to refer me out.

Got a call yesterday morning that I had an appointment with a specialist today at 9 am. That was fun to arrange at work.

Saw doctor today. No exam. No prescriptions. His basic points were:


  • Based on notes, this is the most severe case he's dealt with. Never seen it that bad.
  • Best short term rec is to get more surgery and then go into chemically induced early menopause for a while. He conceded there were some slight problems with this plan. And that it wasn't a long term solution.
  • My long term options are to wait for menopause or get a total hysterectomy.
  • If I want to have kids I should do it quickly, since I'm getting so old. (For those unaware, a common belief in the medical community is that the only reason A Woman wouldn't want all her reproductive organs removed is because she wants to have kids. No other reason to have that stuff). He even offered to refer me to a fertility clinic.
  • Treating my chronic pain with pain medication carries a risk of dependency. (Hormone replacement increases certain cancer risks, puts me at high high risk for osteoporisis, and a total hyst has a shit ton of side effects.) But I really need to be aware that pain meds could be bad for me. Also, did he mention that pain meds were bad? P.S. some people have problems with pain medications. Edit: we'd rather remove more organs than have you take some pills for several days out of the month. Okay, that last one is just my bitterness seeping through.
  • He concluded with, "I'm not doing anything for you today. I'm just trying to educate you about your choices and your fertility. I'm going to try and refer you to pain specialist. 


I really hate going to the doctor's office, but I fucking despise going when it's a conversation we could have had on the fucking phone. I missed work for this shit, got all stressed out, blah blah driving around town and bullshitcakes.

All this crap is exhausting. I start all of these conversations with "Here's what's worked for me, but I am open to suggestions." I wish the suggestions had evolved over the decades beyond "Let us rip out your ovaries."

Sunday, December 21, 2014

You Laugh, But I Keep Telling You Fewls

They're calling this an allergic reaction. Bewl sheet, mayn!

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/02/28/medical.mystery/index.html?eref=yahoo

That's some bovine spongiform encephalopathy. That's some Cretzfeld Jakob's. That's some Mad Cow Disease, yo!

DEM PRIONS IS COMING FOR YOU

QUIT EATING BRAINZ, YOU FEWLZ

YOU BRING ABOUT YOUR OWN DOOM WITH THESE TRIFLING BRAIN EATING ZOMBIE SUPPORTING ACTIONS

Laugh it up, you kuru-mongering genocidal organ meat eaters. Laugh it up as you destroy the world.









(i'm right about those damn robutz, too)

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Some People Say My Blog Is Funny

I don't really understand what they mean. I mean, I guess it's cool that people can laugh at my pain? I don't know. I'm just telling you the TRUFAX of what happens in my life. Is it my fault that it seems like a French farce had a baby with Woody Allen* and that's my life.

*and they managed to stop him from marrying it this time!~ed. apologize for obligatory Woody Allen joke, included at authorial insistence despite strong advice to the contrary.

If you think my blog is funny, that is like thinking the problem of Worst Cats is some kind of joke.

MEOW MEOW MEOW
It's no joke.

No joke at all.

~ed. the entertaining part of this entry was brought to you by linlin

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Welcome back to Ways I Know My iPhone Is Fucking With Me! It just created a random brand new playlist and it's all impossible male vocals, falsettos, reggae, ben folds five, fuuuuuuuuuuck. I really hope the neighbors can't hear this. Gawd, why do I own so much depressing music? This damn phone doesn't even know how to connect a call or ring properly: HOW THE FUCK IT KNOW HOW TO GIVE ME ANXIETY ATTACK? Apple: Making You Feel Unworthy Of Our Tech. Fook.

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Can you still see that gif of the cat moving? It's unsettling yet strangely hypnotic, yes?


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Tomorrow I start a job for which I am wholly unprepared. I haven't even looked up the two things the boss told me to (one work, one trivia). I've been a little preoccupied. And in a mall. Those places are institutionalized vampirism. 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

That Was Worth It

The tile is brought to you by Sarcasm.

Finally made it to the "mental health" facility that took a month to get into.

This was strictly an "intake" appointment--no doctor consultation, no prescription refills.

After waiting 45 minutes due to server problems (why do server problems delay a face to face meeting? I don't know), I met with two different girls. The first was all paperwork. The second was more paperwork and a few questions.

It's always lovely to be asked to open up about your personal details to someone with a clipboard. It really makes you feel heard, recognized.

After about 5 minutes of questions I was told that I didn't qualify for any of their counseling programs. Apparently, I am too mentally healthy to make the grade. Interesting.

I was then told that since I didn't qualify for counseling, that I couldn't get any medication from that service. Better and better.

So, I don't get to see a counselor, I don't get to see a doctor, and I'm SOL on medication refills.

Guess it's a good thing I went ahead and weaned myself off a few weeks back, sensing that a gap in availability was forthcoming.

In truth, I've been dicked over so many times while I was paying for services that I'm used to it. It's not a crushing blow to have "free" services turn out to be a wash.

I promise to do many huge happy fun time posts as soon as something positive happens. Until then, feel free to keep ignoring these posts.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Ending With A Hint Of Relief

And so this long day draws to a close, with the pain tamped down to a manageable level sometime after midnight.

It's funny because chronic pain can really wear you out, but sometimes you are so relieved to feel better that you can't pass out. It's like your body is all "Oh boy, we don't feel like total shite right now! Paaaaarty!"

Or something. Not sure what a spleen says to a large intestine. Shout out to Handy J and Bef, who both helped me out today. Special shout out to HJ, who continues to grow as a person, much to the benefit of himself and those around him.

KIDS: DON'T TAKE DRUG TRANSUBSTANTION INTO YOUR OWN HANDS.

Warning: this shit is graphic. This is a Russian junkie who decided to shoot up some pills. That's right, he liquified some pills and injected. This is bad for many reasons, not the least of which is the caustic effect acetaminophen and NSAIDs have on blood vessels.

So he ended up at the hosptial with some gangrene. This video is not safe for life, liberty, or the pursuit of a sound sleep. There is some removal here. It's not particularly bloody, it's just, well. . .

You can see bone. Shin bone. It's like a halloween costume.

For some freaky shit click here. I don't advise clicking there. This is what happens when you decide that since you take drugs, you know chemistry/biology/anything.

Here's to tomorrow and better days.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

That Really Hurt My Feelings

Chitauri energy blast wound corresponds to my pain, somewhat.


But I'll get over it.



I guess, despite my best attempts, I ask for too much.

Maybe that's at the core of whatever is wrong with me: I want too much and therefore will always be disappointed?

Or maybe not.

And the days went by
Like paper in the wind
Everything changed
Then changed again

I wonder if anybody could hear the Wildflowers album and not like it. Is that possible? I know some people say they don't care for Tom Petty, but isn't Wildflowers just a trump record? I can't really be objective, I guess, since I love Tom Petty to itty bitty pieces.

I'm in an immense amount of pain right now and we are hitting one of those transcendent moments--this kinda pain can make you just as goofy as any med. It probably says something profoundly disturbing about my psyche that these are times I feel compelled to record and communicate. When I am probably so least able. But I'm willing to cut myself the slack of acknowledging desperatizing circusmstances. I just made that word up. I don't care.


Wow, I've totally lost my train of thought with this. Because Blogger just quit working for about 20 minutes.

WTF? Even the Interwebz is against me!! Shock!! Horror!! AaaaIiiiiEeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

It's a couple of degrees below Melting today, so there's that. We are grateful. Praise jebus.

Here's something awesome I saw today:



I can't even win at Angry Birds. How dafuc does this happen? I must be the leftover DNA. It's probably good I'm not reproducing.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Guess who got four notices in the mail today?

Guess what those notices said about Medi-Cal approval?

Guess how many different $ amounts they cited as my income?

1. Me!

2. I am totally approved for Medi-Cal! Four separate times!

3. Three different income amounts! There were two in each envelope, and they all contradicted each other!

That's right, after a cold hearted refusal of services post approval of services, we have a late game reversal of the reversal!

Not only do I qualify for coverage again, I qualify under three different income amounts. I QUALIFY FOR MEDI-CAL THREE SEPARATE WAYS (SO HARD, SO BAD, AND WICKED HARD).

How did they get these amounts? Who fucking knows? I'm pretty confident that no matter what, this still isn't going to work out for me.

Hilarious. Tragic and ultimately foreboding about humanity's chances for long term survival, but hilarious.

Schrödinger's Health Coverage.


Monday, September 29, 2014

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

I received a letter today that informed me I have been denied coverage under Medi-Cal.

Which is interesting, since they already issued me a card, signed me up for services, and even re-registered me in an hour long phone conference.

It's funny because the whole reason I applied for Medi-Cal is because I am not allowed to apply for any of other programs.

I am termed a "medically indigent adult" and I my application has been denied.

The claim that I submitted in January and which has languished in some sort of bureaucratic purgatory for the last 9 months. Many pointless phone calls. Many dead ends.

It's almost not surprising. It certainly is inconvenient. Well, harmful, really, I suppose.

But then again, the healthcare industry has never really done me any favors. It's like my longest term relationship and it is wholly abusive. 

I suspect that somewhere deep, deep down inside I am furious. But I don't feel it. I just feel tired and depressingly unsurprised. Just another day.

same sad story that's a fact
one step up and two steps back


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Why Am I Even Surprised?

Filed back in Feb or Jan for my "Obamacare" status. Just now received a packet.

Looky here--this is a rather info-poor packet, but it seems like this "Managed Care" option (which is the only option) is built like an HMO. Okay.

Oh ho ho---what's this? None of my doctors seem to be listed as providers. And there are options that only pop up in certain places. Let me call the helpline.

Helpline is woefully mis-titled. They tell me I can't be on Medi-Cal anymore. Which is okay, because I was never on Medi-Cal. Final advice is "Call your doctors and see what they say."



The doctors say "No." Turns out most private practice doctors in LA county do not accept anything other than PPO or straight payment.

That's a little vexing in general, and perhaps very vexing when it comes to my endo, who is basically my oncologist as well and has to run regular tests from pre-surgical samples that exist in some lab, some where. I'm sure there's a way around it. And I'm sure it's horrifically complex and gadawful.

Most private practice docs don't accept Medi-Cal (which I think is what used to be Medicaid) because they lose money on the payments. Medi-Cal's reimbursement is too low, so the docs won't contract with them.

There may be some errors in my apprehension--this is what I've managed to cobble together from the packet, helpline, pointless web search, and conversations with a few doctors' offices.

But, hey--I think this might work out as disaster-type insurance. That's good.

Summary: Your state is probably running their "Obamacare/Medicaid" through HMO's, so be prepared for limited availability on practitioners. Also, get ready to hang out at some county clinics. America, where your ability to be healthy is decided by your pocketbook and credit score. Poor people don't deserve any better.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

I Don't Know What To Do

ETA: Shrink called back and saw glorious reason. Thank god for East Coast Jewish Doctor transplants. 

tl;dr Medical shit. I really don't enjoy being this person. But I need to express this anger somehow, lest it eat me up. This seems the least toxic for the humans around me. I'm sorry to be a broken record.

I have 3 medical conditions(A, B, C) that require Rx drugs/treatment. I probably need surgery (again) for one of the conditions, and I'll probably still have to take meds after that.

I picked up an independent contracting job in Florida. So I've been in FL for several months and have a few more to go.

I signed up for coverage in CA. I'm so poor I only potentially qualify for state sponsored Medicaid. When I last spoke with a representative, they advised me that everything was processing and that they were categorically refusing to give estimation dates on when to expect application processing. I'm supposed to wait and eventually get something in the mail.

Would that coverage do anything in another state? I don't know. I have no idea what it encompasses and am waiting on some mail notification to be forwarded from CA to my temporary digs. Nothing so far.

I bring this up because, despite the fact that I am willing and do pay out of pocket, suddenly every doctor in 2014 wants to know not if, but when I will be getting insurance. They have no idea what it will cover or if it's even applicable in the cases we are discussing. But they ask. Over and over. It seems to be a sticking point---almost like they can't really treat people with no coverage anymore? I'm not sure. But I have been interrogated in person and over the phone extensively just trying to get Rx refills in FL for meds prescribed IN FL.

Now, for medical condition B, my docs think I need nerve pills. Because, after three years of pursuing multiple therapies, according to them I obviously have psychological conditions that require treatment. (It couldn't possibly be that I had an organ removed and the compensatory meds are not adequate blah blah ignorancecakes). And let me tell you what, no matter what your state by the time you spend a few years getting the runaround from these yahas you NEED psych meds, just to deal with the bullshit. And, quite frankly, because when you can't get relief where you need it (condition A), then you gotta take what helps.

Just submitted a refill for my two shrink meds. I have no phone, and won't until mid month, but I just figured out how to check my voice messages. My shrink called and said "I haven't seen you, this med is being filled in one state and shipped to another, I'm not comfortable. You need to find somebody where you are to get this Rx."

I left him a msg asking if this was going to apply to BOTH meds he prescribed, or just that one that everybody seems so touchy about. I explained that the Rxs had always shipped from another state b/c I'm on a mail order system. Back in CA, they will still show as shipping from another state. Because that's where they ship them from.

And this is an issue because? Because I am obviously running a bi-coastal drug scam with my monthly prescription? I drive 36 hours a couple times a month to....what? I'm not even sure what I could be doing, but apparently it's scandalous.

Running out of money meant I could no longer pursue the pain treatment course for condition C--a wondrous chronic item that sometimes takes 4 days out of my life, sometimes 3 weeks. I had to cease the $300/pop doctor visits, but retained the substandard meds he provided. Until he refused to refill them again. I tried contacting his office but never heard back from them. I'm assuming he suspended refills because I wasn't seeing  him on a regular basis. I've heard that reasoning before.

Let me reiterate so that you can appreciate what I'm saying: Since I can't afford to go to the doctor on a regular basis, he refuses to continue to prescribe me medication. I have a diagnosis and a treatment plan, he is refusing to continue it. I could, theoretically, make an appt and go every month or week or whatever. Except then I don't have enough money to buy the meds. Hell, I don't have enough money to buy the meds now. That's why Satan invented credit cards.

So my pain doc cold turkey-ed my meds. My shrink just announced that is going to cold turkey at least one, maybe both of my psych meds. This is responsible doctoring.

I went to a doc here in FL and explained my situation for condition C--chronic pain. It's been getting worse. I explained all about the pain mgmt, the fact that I probably need surgery, blah blah. He was very nice and gave me two Rx. One was fine. The other provided a different kind of relief that was nauseating, but effective. It was also in a patch form, and 4 of the five patches malfunctioned and fell off. Two of them instantly. Call pharmacy and doc about it, conclusion: nobody else in the world has ever had this problem. I am a freak. Deal with it. And suck up the $100 you spent to get 2/5 of a medication.

Well, okay. Can I get a refill on those items then? I called in a moment of extreme pain and duress. That was 3 weeks ago. I've called multiple times. Been given the runaround, been called by the clinic, etc. I even had to go back in for some ass kicking sinusitis. While there I followed up again just trying to find out if I could get anything refilled.

They keep asking me: "When are you going to see a specialist for your condition?"

Well, I don't have the money. I mean, it's like $5K to $15K to get this stuff taken care of. And that's before the post op treatment. Which I will likely have to be on for life.

Again, clarification point: I probably have to take pain meds for the rest of my life to get relief, no matter what surgeries and treatments I get. This is a medical fact. My only hope is menopause. No shit.

Called clinic today and they said, "Oh, the doc wants to know when you are going to get insurance and see a specialist." That's his answer to "Can a brother get a refill?" That is also the 4th or 5th time I will have answered the question for that clinic, in great detail. It's all in my chart. I watched them write it down. I told him to his face.

I don't have money to see new doctors here, to get new prescriptions. Especially not if those Rx will cease to be fillable when I go back to CA. Each visit is a minimum of $100, for any of the three conditions. Some are up to $300. And on top of all that, there is no guarantee that any doctor will re-prescribe what I'm on. Some of them like to run you through the whole circus again, no matter what your history says, your charts.

And obviously, as a patient and sufferer of these conditions, I am in no place to have an opinion or deduction about any of it.

So, I'm working out of state because it's the only job I have been able to get. Money good. Help pay bills. Help pay for medicine.

Because I'm out of state, my doctors don't want to refill my prescriptions. Also because I haven't had an appt in a while. (Which I totally would have been able to do with all the money I wouldn't be making had i stayed unemployed in state, oh, wait, sorry to introduce logic there. No place in medicine for logic.)

What the hell is going on? What am I supposed to do? Is this happening because I'm poor and broke? Is something else going on? Am I being discriminated against because of my conditions? Am I on some "chronic pain" blacklist? If I need to be on psych meds, should they just take them away? What can I do when faced with a government that refuses to respond? Why can't I just pay for the things that work?

Why can't I just pay for the things that work? Why don't I deserve access to treatment?

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Oweeee.....Bay County: Crud Capital of the World

There is something going around and it's really weird. I have a kicking case of sinusitis. I went to the doc yesterday. There are two things I don't mess around about: bladder infections and sinusitis. Got my happy little ass to a clinic toot suite.

Got the standard steroidal anti inflammatory spray, but man---this shit is rough. I feel like I've broken my nose. The pressures, I has it.

What's weird is that there are other symptoms, but I don't think I'm sick. That is, I don't feel contagious, like I've got a virus or an infections. But I do feel like refried shit.

In the continuing saga of Homeless Hawkeye I need to find a place to stay tonight. Because of a bump up in somebody's traveling plans. I'm not nearly as down about it as last time. I would just like to get to spend three consecutive days in a house without having to move.

Which I will get! A house to myself for a couple of weeks. Hallelujah! Praise Jebus!



Somebody just showed me this. It is foul. I had to look up Alligator Fuckhouse. Don't watch if you find things like "Dirty Sanchez" disturbing. I don't really have to mention that I laughed a lot, do I?


PSA: Despite my many ailments, I am not often "sick" in the traditional sense. So beware kids, if I've got it then it has the possibility of being Captain Tripps level destruction. Take your vitamins.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

For The Love of God, Somebody Roofie Me

Okay, Douchebag Body. Getting real tired of your shit.

After two nights of <4 hours sleep, you decide to pull an all nighter?

I am no longer young. I can't just be up all night for no reason and then go get anything done with the rest of the day.

Insomnia is insidiously isolating.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

IT'S NOT JUST ME--I HAS BEEN BONA FIDE!


From a Reddit Q&A, by this guy.

[–]CitizenTed 1 point ago (1|0)
Can you see Obamacare leading up to Universal Single payer? IOW, is it possible that Obama re-packaged RomneyCare as a stepping stone to achieve the eventual goal of necessitating a single payer system?

[–]dave45 [S] 2 points ago (2|0)
It's hard to say. It would more likely lead to a system similar to what they have in Germany where the private insurance companies are highly regulated. Our problem isn't so much public vs. private for payers. It really boils down to the fact that health insurance companies operate like protection rackets because billing charges for most medical services are so high.


FUCKING A RIGHT!!!

JESUS WEPT




Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Medicine Isn't Science

I thought that for a long time. But medicine is, at best, an art and at worst, blowhard negligence.

If anything untoward should happen to me, or if I should untowardly happen to anything else, I have a request:

Please sue the fucking shit out of every doctor who has "treated" me in the past 8 years. Find the most vicious lawyer you can and sue, sue, sue until they are run out of business. Some of them are nice people, but they are all a part of the machine erroneously labeled "healthcare." As cogs in that machine, most only serve to perpetuate the nasty cycle: under/overprescribed, assuming most women with any complaint are "just depressed," encouraging a culture of scalpel jockeys instead of preventative care, and most unforgivable of all, not listening to their patients.

I'm not stupid, not about this anyway. I'm not lying. I have been trying for so long, so hard, to follow all the rules to be "healthy." And you know what following the doctor's suggestions has gotten me? One organ down, persistent pain, internal scarring, and in the worst shape, physically and mentally, that I've ever been in my life.

First, do no harm: yeah, right. Harm seems to be all those fucks are capable of dishing out. Harm, indifference, deluded conviction, and gross negligence.

Sue them. Smear them on the web. Go on cheap trashy talk shows. Render them finally responsible for their actions.

I'm not kidding.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Macavity's Not There

That is just what's running through my head.

I am fargin' worn out, fo realz. Today is my Friday. Which reminds me. . . I has a beverage to sip.

Ahhhh....Jeremiah Sweet Tea Vodka, thou art surely the devil's work.

I am in the weirdest mood. Part of it is undoubtedly that I have been putting myself out there in new ways. Part of it is gearing up to argue about my thyroid/health treatment again (soooooooo exhausting....i shoulda been a lawyer). Part of it is just that if I'm active two or more days in row, I am wiped out. Destroyed.

And yet still filled with neurotic twitchiness and 3 am awakenings.

Hopefully all to the good. Trying to make the most of waking time, including using some of that time to try and relax. Shocking thoughts. But seriously, I have probably shopped 13+ hours in the last 3 days. Oy vey. Nothing like being your fattest ever and trying to find clothes. But I have no one to blame but myself.

Or so the TSH tests from the doctor assert. In a brief conversation tonight that we never got to conclude, my Endo again mentioned that I was hyPERthyroid now. That's what I've gained twenty (more) pounds, get exhausted walking up a flight of stairs, have to sleep for days after a few days of average exertion, have depression that doesn't respond to ANY SSR/SSNRI meds. . . . .

Oh fuck it. I'm tired of listing this shit. I'm tired of having this conversation. Or monologue.

I don't even know why I'm writing this.

Macklemlore....thoughts? I've a soft spot for extreme silliness, so I'm not sure I'm filtering this correctly.


Friday, June 21, 2013

True Evil Never Sleeps

Well, there has to be some explanation for waking up at 2 am. It's especially vexing since I'm on so many sleepy time meds right now.

I have passed out sitting up, trying to watch the same movie with Handy J two times now. (Black Sunday, if anyone cares. Don't ask me what happens. Apparently I just snore right through it.)

Joined a gym for a month. Just to see if I can make myself go. Had the obligatory training and "assessment" with a gym dude. He was very nice. I must be really aggravating for personal trainers to talk to because I already know just about everything they have to say.

I know about; weightlifting to increase your resting/basal metabolic rate; rotation of muscle exercises to allow for recovery and gains; working the large muscle groups hard to get quick gains; circuit and cross training to make weightlifting aerobic; blahblah spotmecakes.

He tried really hard to sell me on a personal trainer. And I think I could really benefit from it, if for no other reason than I will show up if I'm obligated to meet someone. (So much easier to ditch a workout if it's just you. At home. Hiding under covers. Watching Netflix.)

Trainers are also good because you don't have to think and plan your workouts. So it's less mental energy. And less dread. Each workout is a surprise, which helps with motivation.

And even though the rates are hella low, it's still too much money. The gym requires you to book a 28 or 52 week increment. And if you want a trainer for 3 times a week, it really adds up. Thousands of dollars.

Sigh.You know, I wasn't even thinking about getting a trainer till he did his whole little song and dance. This is a completely fabricated conundrum.

I can probably find a strength training program online that incorporates muscle confusion and such.

I'm also gearing up to go at it with my Endo Doc again. I think I need to try some dessicated "natural" hormone instead of levo (Synthroid). Doctors have been trained to hate and distrust dessicated hormone. The big argument is that it isn't properly regulated, so you can never be sure of the potency from dose to dose.

And if you've had cancer, they get real twitchy about changing up your meds. There's always that spectre of looming relapse on the horizon, and no doctor wants to be responsible for 'reactivating' you cancer.

Sigh.

I won't bore you with the long history of thyroid meds, but here's an interesting article about natural thyroid and a controlled study.  I believe the article author to be biased, but that doesn't change the science part.

Did I mention the personal trainer took me through a brief workout? That nearly killed me?

3 sets of walking lunges (no weight, knee tap--ugh)
3 sets of squats (no weight)
40 sit ups on incline bench with medicine ball passes
2 sets of overhead press 40lbs
1 set of overhead press with decreasing weight but constant motion (this actually nauseated me. by the time you get down to 10lbs your arms are shaking and you can barely do a rep. i have to investigate this method)

My legs were like jello afterwards. I had trouble going down stairs. I think my quads and glutes are mad at me. Which is fine, because those fuckers haven't acted right in years, so there.

I applied for 13 jobs in one day. I have so far received on rejection notice. It's nice that they took the time to acknowledge my application. But it's very frustrating to not know why I'm being rejected. I was crazy qualified for the position.

Sigh.

Ooo.....I just leaned back and noticed those incline situps worked my transverse abdominus. Yay!

I'm gonna give the acupuncture/herbalist a second shot today. See what they suggest. They have some mojo going on about having a "damp heat" or "dry cold"---but from what I can see, the diets are basically hardcore clean eating. Elimination of processed foods, refined sugar. Eating lots of whole foods. No dairy.

You dieters out there know the drill.

Anyhoo, I will be consulting with them today. Maybe they can stick some needles in me and shock my brains out. Hee.

Pointless post is pointless.


Thursday, May 16, 2013

People Say: "What Are You Doing?"

And i say "helping my friends."


And sometimes that help is looking up Q.I. from the BBC on YouTube.

We never change do we?
We never learn do we?

And then other things happen. 

Tink was very good to me today. Does that sound like junkie talk? I don't know anymore.

All I know is Pain is Pain. A cunning tracker, it (out of time) traced me through a hundred neuron firings, and knew it was me. (I was the one grimacing for no reason at the bar. There was a reason: pain.)

I probably shouldn't post this. But my ovaries hurt. And my uterus. And the myriad organs that don't like extra blood and extra pressure.

I've mouthed off too much. I retire this to Tink to find fit for consumption.

Or maybe I just approved it in her name and posted it(<---- so true).


Monday, April 22, 2013

Physical And Mental Feelings: A Post About "Healthcare" Treatment

So, regular visit to doctor to stick needles in stomach, talk about medicine doses, blah blah theusualcakes.

I bring up, for the second time, that I am still having severe pain. I ask "Will this ever go away?"

He says, "Well, when you reach menopause."

From there he went on to reiterate that I didn't need any of my old pain meds because they just "trick my brain." I just need to quintuple my dose of the pills that make me moronic and take megadoses of the $300/bottle ibuprofen. Because that's been sooooo very helpful so far.

I got home, Handy J asked me how my appt went. It wasn't until then that I realized what that asshole said.

He says, "Well, when you reach menopause."
Suddenly, I feel:

Stabbity


Bitch slappity


Chair smashity

And it's really sad. Because that just makes me a Mad Panda.



It would seem I have no recourse. The pills that work are the ones he doesn't want me on (why?) and I don't have the money to bounce around looking for further answers. I don't think he's inept, I just think he's wrong.

Now excuse me while I go ingest tons of meds that make me stupider and hurt my liver but just don't quite seem to ease the pain.

Sleep well while you can, white men. Your cracker-ass days are numbered.