Valentine's Day Massacre

I imagine that's the lurid, yet apt, headline that will make it onto various sites and stations.

There have been 18 school shootings in 2018. That's 18 separate incidents in 46 days. I believe there have been 26 or 27 mass shootings total in the USA this year alone.

What is happening? It's like a seal was broken, and now this terrible, unthinkable catastrophe is a mainstream idea. It's totally Thinkable: you can look at examples, compare incidents, and plan strategies on both sides.

The Unthinkable has become the Possible. It is quickly becoming the Probable. What does this shift in thinking, in conceptualizing, mean about the fabric of American culture and society? What are we becoming, what are we enabling, what are we fomenting?

I don't have answers, and I'm not dismissing sober and well thought arguments for changes to gun laws, ammo laws, or outreach for those suffering from mental imbalance.

But I can't help but conclude that this growing public safety concern is about more than the individual parts being discussed. I feel like the US is sick at it's core, ill in some way that affects all of us, and we haven't made inroads into dealing with that.

If the US were a person, I would be screaming: THERAPY. For whom? Everyone.

i don't have any good words to say. its all just so sad.

Here's How Pain Works Sometimes

I wake in the night and don't know why. I register something like discomfort, not quite pain. More like being uncomfortably aware of organs you are pretty sure are not supposed to have any feeling at all.

It's like the distant echo of pain--your body always knows before you do. And so begins the unfortunate cycle.

You review your data: this is off schedule, is this gonna be like last month and be the pms that was as bad as the period?, you have detected signs that you were missing before: Yup, seems likely. You about to be in a world of pelvic hurt, probably accompanied by GI shenanigans because, well, because that's how it always goes.

See, the pain is bad. Real bad. When it spikes, sometimes all i can do is just lay there. I try heating pads, I try exercise/sweating it out, I try NSAIDs  in unhealthy amounts, acupuncture, TCM herb treatments (nasty, btw, so very nasty), Rx pain meds (which can at least turn the volume down to a manageable level but good luck getting an Rx these days), clean eating, taking unhealthy amounts of Omega-3 oils, and probably ten other things I can't even think of right now.  Hell, if I had found something to abstain from that would end this chronic misery, I'd like to think I'd be smart enough to take that deal.

But that's the prob--all those small steps can help some, and aggregated you get a multiplier effect. But everything has consequences and costs. And there's still no real pain relief--not when it's really bad. Not even when it's just a constant throb, a dull ache that never goes away. 

(Note: The closest I've found are, frankly, narcotics. They turn it down to dull roar and I can go to work. But you best believe I still have to take NSAIDs and do a lot of other crap to keep the machinery going.)

It's exhausting. If you're lucky, you can take something to sleep or either pass out from exhaustion after several hours/days. But, at that point, your non functional. And still in pain. Just unconscious. Less than ideal, as the man said.

Same deal with heating pads/napalm heat creams. You're tied to an outlet, or your skin is on fire. And thank god that heat can bypass a pain signal. But at a certain point, the heat becomes pain. Also, it's awkward af walking around town in a flop sweat. And you still can't eat, feel like crap and blah blah blah. So, you kinda end up. . . . laying around. Notice a trend?

Anyhoo, so at 2:30 this morning I say, "Eff this skullduggery. I see the dark clouds on the horizon. Quick, let me quaff my restorative tonic!" Which means I took my special blend of benadryl, anaesthesia, ahuyasca, and ex-lax* and went back to bed. 

To awake sometime around 7 with confirmation: the pain has arrived. Batten down the hatches, here we go.

Whatever you've got, take it. Vitamins, NSAIDs, etc. Make sure to drink some dairy but don't eat. Your stomach is just waiting to do you wrong, and it's really gonna pissed after a few days of those NSAIDs. Never take on empty stomach, but never fill stomach.

Take a hot shower. Grab your heating pad. If it's 80 degrees in your house, then get a fan. And prepare to stay in front of it. All day. Think about cold showers too.

And you end up later in the day, now, with the afternoon heat having settled around the houses. Finally broke down at ate something b/c, let's face it, it was neccessary. It was also a bad idea. 

The pain has lapped at you in waves, ceaselessly, all day. It hasn't even kicked into high gear yet. It's just slowly wearing you down. At this point, you are either in a coma, delirious from your meds, or delirious from the pain. None of it is fun. I wonder why I even gained consciousness today--b/c all i can do is wait for tomorrow, hope the period starts soon so it can end soon, and try more coping methods tomorrow.

I'm tired of writing about pain. I'm tired of thinking about pain. But mostly, I'm tired of being in pain.

*Pro-tip: beginners might want to watch it on the ex-lax. don't want to make any foolish mistakes.

Feeling Crappy? Pass It Along!

This is a shit post drenched in self pity and simmering rage. Please ignore.

• Parent in hospital, going on week 5. Serious mental and physical issues. Getting better but situation seems to require constant supervision. Still can't get all doctors, etc, coordinated. Usual fuckery of healthcare compounded by being in Backwater Shitsville, FL.
• Fuck all insurance companies. To death. With a baseball bat embedded with glass and nails. The state of health "care" in this country is disgusting. 
• I hate Florida. Especially when it rains.
• It's raining.
• Apartment I'm staying at has ongoing issues, including a/c and plumbing. Had to shut off our own water main yesterday, after a spring bubbled to life behind the tub wall. Standing water throughout kitchen, bathroom, and under the carpet. 
• Landlord is scumbag, so we'll see if this gets fixed. Incredibly problematic, bc the leak has been going on for a while and we are talking about ripping up carpets and tearing up walls. None of which this car salesman motherfucker will be willing to do.
• I can't really do anything about any of it, bc it's not my place anyway.
• Parent's home troubles continue, with leaky roof, major plumbing issues, and the standard electrical outages because omg!rain. Who would have expected rain? In Florida, of all all places?
• Relative with terminal diagnosis is foundering around out there. Can't be reached, doesn't want to be reached, and no one has the money to help him out.
• Am broke. Have no job.No prospects. Tons of debt. Medical bills that have got me  on some collection lists now. And they keep coming. Got a bill for $25K the other week. Guess they waited to bill me until after my insurance had ended.
• Several sibs/relatives work for company that has always been shady. Now they are withholding pay and cancelling insurance and shit. Money is tight from loaning out to deadbeats like me. Everyone's job in peril.
• So many problems seem to relate to money. How did we all fuck it up so badly?
• Feel that I don't have any friends to turn to, even for a night out of distraction. Everybody is busy with their own shit and nobody has the time or the energy to take on something as hopeless as this. Those close by are absent--I don't even have any backup places to stay, really. Where have all these friendships gone? I felt that i put a lot of time and energy into their upkeep, but maybe i fucked that up too. Or maybe it's just like it always is: when your usefulness and relevance has expired, you become disposable. 
• I was denied bowling yesterday. I was late to the lanes bc i had to stop and counsel someone and then had to help clean up water disaster in apt. No bueno.
• menstrual cycle--despite medical debt, still not close to be solved, much less treated. b/c it's totally okay to have chronic pain if it's because of girl stuff
• Going to go wash face in hospital bathroom. At least here there is running water.
• Everyone is sad and tired. Apparently, no one has anything left to give. I think I'm about tapped out, myself. And if i wasn't already worthless enough, I lose all value when I lose the ability to deal with other people's shit.
• I'm fucking exhausted. We are all exhausted. There's gotta be a break in this action.
• i missed this season of walking dead. and because the ppl i do know don't have normal cable setups, i can't catch up via normal methods. the networks are such greedy little bitches.
• blah blah wah wah poorlittlemecakes

Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Guess who got four notices in the mail today?

Guess what those notices said about Medi-Cal approval?

Guess how many different $ amounts they cited as my income?

1. Me!

2. I am totally approved for Medi-Cal! Four separate times!

3. Three different income amounts! There were two in each envelope, and they all contradicted each other!

That's right, after a cold hearted refusal of services post approval of services, we have a late game reversal of the reversal!

Not only do I qualify for coverage again, I qualify under three different income amounts. I QUALIFY FOR MEDI-CAL THREE SEPARATE WAYS (SO HARD, SO BAD, AND WICKED HARD).

How did they get these amounts? Who fucking knows? I'm pretty confident that no matter what, this still isn't going to work out for me.

Hilarious. Tragic and ultimately foreboding about humanity's chances for long term survival, but hilarious.

Schrödinger's Health Coverage.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

I received a letter today that informed me I have been denied coverage under Medi-Cal.

Which is interesting, since they already issued me a card, signed me up for services, and even re-registered me in an hour long phone conference.

It's funny because the whole reason I applied for Medi-Cal is because I am not allowed to apply for any of other programs.

I am termed a "medically indigent adult" and I my application has been denied.

The claim that I submitted in January and which has languished in some sort of bureaucratic purgatory for the last 9 months. Many pointless phone calls. Many dead ends.

It's almost not surprising. It certainly is inconvenient. Well, harmful, really, I suppose.

But then again, the healthcare industry has never really done me any favors. It's like my longest term relationship and it is wholly abusive. 

I suspect that somewhere deep, deep down inside I am furious. But I don't feel it. I just feel tired and depressingly unsurprised. Just another day.

same sad story that's a fact
one step up and two steps back

Why Am I Even Surprised?

Filed back in Feb or Jan for my "Obamacare" status. Just now received a packet.

Looky here--this is a rather info-poor packet, but it seems like this "Managed Care" option (which is the only option) is built like an HMO. Okay.

Oh ho ho---what's this? None of my doctors seem to be listed as providers. And there are options that only pop up in certain places. Let me call the helpline.

Helpline is woefully mis-titled. They tell me I can't be on Medi-Cal anymore. Which is okay, because I was never on Medi-Cal. Final advice is "Call your doctors and see what they say."

The doctors say "No." Turns out most private practice doctors in LA county do not accept anything other than PPO or straight payment.

That's a little vexing in general, and perhaps very vexing when it comes to my endo, who is basically my oncologist as well and has to run regular tests from pre-surgical samples that exist in some lab, some where. I'm sure there's a way around it. And I'm sure it's horrifically complex and gadawful.

Most private practice docs don't accept Medi-Cal (which I think is what used to be Medicaid) because they lose money on the payments. Medi-Cal's reimbursement is too low, so the docs won't contract with them.

There may be some errors in my apprehension--this is what I've managed to cobble together from the packet, helpline, pointless web search, and conversations with a few doctors' offices.

But, hey--I think this might work out as disaster-type insurance. That's good.

Summary: Your state is probably running their "Obamacare/Medicaid" through HMO's, so be prepared for limited availability on practitioners. Also, get ready to hang out at some county clinics. America, where your ability to be healthy is decided by your pocketbook and credit score. Poor people don't deserve any better.

Climatologist Says, "We're F****D," Time To Worry?

http://motherboard.vice.com/read/if-we-release-a-small-fraction-of-arctic-carbon-were-fucked-climatologist

So, I find this disturbing. It's weird that there's so much debate about whether climate change is real or not. When I was growing up, the Greenhouse Effect and our responsibility to pollute less was a given. It wasn't up for discussion as to "if," people were just negotiating "when."

Is greed so powerful that it can trump everything, even self preservation? I don't have kids, I don't have a legacy, and I worry about this planet. How do these CEO fucks sleep at night? How do the legislators? How can I worry more when I have no vested interest in any of this?

It would be one thing if we were just destroying ourselves. But we are taking the whole interconnected ecosystem with us.

This is so depressing. I need some ice cream.

I Don't Know What To Do

ETA: Shrink called back and saw glorious reason. Thank god for East Coast Jewish Doctor transplants. 

tl;dr Medical shit. I really don't enjoy being this person. But I need to express this anger somehow, lest it eat me up. This seems the least toxic for the humans around me. I'm sorry to be a broken record.

I have 3 medical conditions(A, B, C) that require Rx drugs/treatment. I probably need surgery (again) for one of the conditions, and I'll probably still have to take meds after that.

I picked up an independent contracting job in Florida. So I've been in FL for several months and have a few more to go.

I signed up for coverage in CA. I'm so poor I only potentially qualify for state sponsored Medicaid. When I last spoke with a representative, they advised me that everything was processing and that they were categorically refusing to give estimation dates on when to expect application processing. I'm supposed to wait and eventually get something in the mail.

Would that coverage do anything in another state? I don't know. I have no idea what it encompasses and am waiting on some mail notification to be forwarded from CA to my temporary digs. Nothing so far.

I bring this up because, despite the fact that I am willing and do pay out of pocket, suddenly every doctor in 2014 wants to know not if, but when I will be getting insurance. They have no idea what it will cover or if it's even applicable in the cases we are discussing. But they ask. Over and over. It seems to be a sticking point---almost like they can't really treat people with no coverage anymore? I'm not sure. But I have been interrogated in person and over the phone extensively just trying to get Rx refills in FL for meds prescribed IN FL.

Now, for medical condition B, my docs think I need nerve pills. Because, after three years of pursuing multiple therapies, according to them I obviously have psychological conditions that require treatment. (It couldn't possibly be that I had an organ removed and the compensatory meds are not adequate blah blah ignorancecakes). And let me tell you what, no matter what your state by the time you spend a few years getting the runaround from these yahas you NEED psych meds, just to deal with the bullshit. And, quite frankly, because when you can't get relief where you need it (condition A), then you gotta take what helps.

Just submitted a refill for my two shrink meds. I have no phone, and won't until mid month, but I just figured out how to check my voice messages. My shrink called and said "I haven't seen you, this med is being filled in one state and shipped to another, I'm not comfortable. You need to find somebody where you are to get this Rx."

I left him a msg asking if this was going to apply to BOTH meds he prescribed, or just that one that everybody seems so touchy about. I explained that the Rxs had always shipped from another state b/c I'm on a mail order system. Back in CA, they will still show as shipping from another state. Because that's where they ship them from.

And this is an issue because? Because I am obviously running a bi-coastal drug scam with my monthly prescription? I drive 36 hours a couple times a month to....what? I'm not even sure what I could be doing, but apparently it's scandalous.

Running out of money meant I could no longer pursue the pain treatment course for condition C--a wondrous chronic item that sometimes takes 4 days out of my life, sometimes 3 weeks. I had to cease the $300/pop doctor visits, but retained the substandard meds he provided. Until he refused to refill them again. I tried contacting his office but never heard back from them. I'm assuming he suspended refills because I wasn't seeing  him on a regular basis. I've heard that reasoning before.

Let me reiterate so that you can appreciate what I'm saying: Since I can't afford to go to the doctor on a regular basis, he refuses to continue to prescribe me medication. I have a diagnosis and a treatment plan, he is refusing to continue it. I could, theoretically, make an appt and go every month or week or whatever. Except then I don't have enough money to buy the meds. Hell, I don't have enough money to buy the meds now. That's why Satan invented credit cards.

So my pain doc cold turkey-ed my meds. My shrink just announced that is going to cold turkey at least one, maybe both of my psych meds. This is responsible doctoring.

I went to a doc here in FL and explained my situation for condition C--chronic pain. It's been getting worse. I explained all about the pain mgmt, the fact that I probably need surgery, blah blah. He was very nice and gave me two Rx. One was fine. The other provided a different kind of relief that was nauseating, but effective. It was also in a patch form, and 4 of the five patches malfunctioned and fell off. Two of them instantly. Call pharmacy and doc about it, conclusion: nobody else in the world has ever had this problem. I am a freak. Deal with it. And suck up the $100 you spent to get 2/5 of a medication.

Well, okay. Can I get a refill on those items then? I called in a moment of extreme pain and duress. That was 3 weeks ago. I've called multiple times. Been given the runaround, been called by the clinic, etc. I even had to go back in for some ass kicking sinusitis. While there I followed up again just trying to find out if I could get anything refilled.

They keep asking me: "When are you going to see a specialist for your condition?"

Well, I don't have the money. I mean, it's like $5K to $15K to get this stuff taken care of. And that's before the post op treatment. Which I will likely have to be on for life.

Again, clarification point: I probably have to take pain meds for the rest of my life to get relief, no matter what surgeries and treatments I get. This is a medical fact. My only hope is menopause. No shit.

Called clinic today and they said, "Oh, the doc wants to know when you are going to get insurance and see a specialist." That's his answer to "Can a brother get a refill?" That is also the 4th or 5th time I will have answered the question for that clinic, in great detail. It's all in my chart. I watched them write it down. I told him to his face.

I don't have money to see new doctors here, to get new prescriptions. Especially not if those Rx will cease to be fillable when I go back to CA. Each visit is a minimum of $100, for any of the three conditions. Some are up to $300. And on top of all that, there is no guarantee that any doctor will re-prescribe what I'm on. Some of them like to run you through the whole circus again, no matter what your history says, your charts.

And obviously, as a patient and sufferer of these conditions, I am in no place to have an opinion or deduction about any of it.

So, I'm working out of state because it's the only job I have been able to get. Money good. Help pay bills. Help pay for medicine.

Because I'm out of state, my doctors don't want to refill my prescriptions. Also because I haven't had an appt in a while. (Which I totally would have been able to do with all the money I wouldn't be making had i stayed unemployed in state, oh, wait, sorry to introduce logic there. No place in medicine for logic.)

What the hell is going on? What am I supposed to do? Is this happening because I'm poor and broke? Is something else going on? Am I being discriminated against because of my conditions? Am I on some "chronic pain" blacklist? If I need to be on psych meds, should they just take them away? What can I do when faced with a government that refuses to respond? Why can't I just pay for the things that work?

Why can't I just pay for the things that work? Why don't I deserve access to treatment?

Net Neutrality - Why We Should Care

I'm using this post to encourage discussion of the net neutrality debate and help folks decide what action is neccessary If you have any links you think are illustrative or helpful, please comment and I will add them in.

Here's one easy to understand explanation of just how important net neutrality is, what that actually means for the ISPs, and why the problem will not resolve itself in anybody's favor except the ISPs.

Summary: ISPs have found a legal loophole that allows them to NOT be classified as telecommunications providers. This absolves them of any restrictions AND any responsibility for content. It allows them to artificially slow down your services from different web sites, based on whether those web sites are willing to pay that ISP a fee for better service.

That is: you are paying Verizon/Comcast for a delivery service. They are now telling  you that they get to decide what gets delivered to you and when. In many cases, the ISP doing this is literally the only option for connection available. You can't shop around, competition is non existant, and you get to pay more money for shittier service than folks in places like Korea.

Freedom, Oh Freedom, That's Just Some People Talking

No one listens.

I've told everyone I'm on funky meds, that I'm short tempered, that I'm having a hard time keeping a lid on it.

No one acknowledges, gives credit.

They pride themselves on how careful they are with you, what eggshells they walk on. They have no idea of how much of your life you have spent not saying anything, because you are considered devastating.

No one treats you like you are devastating until they feel guilty.

They don't tread with caution. They don't give credence to your statements. Is it because you are not yelling? Is it because you try to maintain politeness even when being provoked?

And when you do react, when you step away, take a breath, make an emotional statement - it is a set up. You are over reacting by reacting at all.

No one allows you to be angry.

Even if you aren't just angry. Even if you're hurt. Even if your expression of anger is to leave quietly, asking nothing of anyone, apologizing for your state.

Because any reaction equals anger? Because your anger is so terrible it's unfair to visit it on anyone? Because you aren't the only one in this state?

And then your reward comes. It's not just the reward for this moment of adult behavior and repression of homicidal rage. It's the reward for being the wailing wall, being the sin eater. It's your reward for listening, acknowledging being cautious, holding in the modes of expression that would upset others.

And your reward is that you now get to facilitate communciation with the very people you don't want to speak to. You comfort the people that yelled at you, attacked you, caused you discomfort.

That is your lot in ife. This is what you get for being transparent, for trying to share information, for reaching out, for listening.

And on the day wherein they were once again bestowed with the ability to NGAF, there was much mellow.

And of course, everything's fine. Because you make i tthat way.

My relationship with Life:

I'm the Universe.

Getting real sick of your shit, Cosmos. Sit and spin.

Well, I Finally Did It

For the purposes of this story, please keep in mind I kept a pleasant tone of voice and facial expression the whole time.

Ordering drinks at a mostly empty bar. Large older gentleman slides his pretzel mix bowl in front of me. I say "Thank you sir." He tells me not to call him sir, he had enough of that in the military. Mild chit chat as I wait FOREVER to get my drinks.

Then he let's loose with "I hate to use the n-word, but. . . "

I chime in with a bright "Then please don't."

He proceeds to use the word. Of course.

I ask politely for him to desist. He begans enumerating the problems associated with living in close quarters with *thatword*. I politely ask him not to use that word.

The bartender chimes in with "Well, we're all human." A mild mitigating statement.

He continues to use that word, after I have asked him to stop, after I've said I don't like that word, after the bartender tried to change the subject. I think we've all been in this situation.

With a blank look on my face I turned to him and said, "My father is black."

The immediate response from both bartender and barfly was "What? You don't look it."

He then said he didn't mean to offend me. The bartender asked me "Are you sure? You don't look like it at all."

No shit. She actually said that. That's fucking gold, man.

He continued to mutter half hearted apologies. I assured him that I wouldn't be offended if he would just let it drop.

Then I sent DJCP to the jukebox with the instructions to "Play something with some soul."

We got excellent service from the bartender the rest of the night.

But don't take my word for it. Try this handy method out for yourself.

And play a lot of Marvin Gaye and Sam Cooke on the jukebox afterwards.

Am I Just Getting Dumber? Or Is Trying To Get Healthcare Info That Hard?

I'm having this Groundhog Day-esque experience. I keep on clicking links that lead to other links that lead me back to the same link.

I have a fair bit of experience in translating from insurance-ese to normal layperson. But these forms and explanations have me lost.

This is so ridiculous. I can't even afford healthcare, but I have to go through insurance companies anyways. People who think that universal healthcare is a socialist nightmare are blind, greedy, stupid, or all three. That's right, I said it.

I would like to state, again, that despite the reforms contained in the Affordable Healthcare Act, it fails at the most crucial point: insurance companies are still an integral part of the healthcare system in the US. As long as insurance companies are negotiating deals with hospitals and providers, then health costs will continue to be artificially inflated and increased to the point of ridiculousness.

Any system in which point of sale cash payment is greater than bureacratic billing, you have a serious problem. It's called racketeering. The disparity between what an insurance company pays for a procedure and what an individual pays for the same procedure is outrageous.

The fact that insurance is required to get any feasible pricing on medicine, routine doctor's visits is at the root of the imbalance. Insurance should be for catastrophic, out of the norm events, not for getting your birth control or insulin or diagnostic labs. Sure, Obamacare prevents the criminally greedy practice of deny insurance based on pre existing conditions. But guess what?---people with preexisting conditions are still penalized. Their premiums are a lot more. You can go broke just trying to maintain coverage to help you stay alive.

The ACHA has just further empowered insurance companies: companies who are focused on profit margins, not on the welfare of patients. Companies who have already banded together to insure maintenance of artificially inflated health costs. Companies who have shown they will throw any customer under the bus if they can get away with it, regardless of the health detriments to the patient.

Obamacare, from what I've seen, is just like giving Viagra to a rapist, then telling him to play nice. The problem is not affordable insurance. The problem is insurance, period. People shouldn't have to negotiate through a middleman to get medical treatment (since they already have to do that with doctors, which is a whole other bilious rant).

I'm not even mad typing this. I'm exhausted. I've been trying to look up healthcare plans for the last two hours. And I keep falling asleep. My brain has gone past tired and into depressed defeat. And even if I get something resolved soon, the way the system is set up I will have to fly back to CA to see a physician.

This system is nauseating. Our greed is disgusting. Our empowerment of the already powerful and castration of the less fortunate is sickening.

Should the world end, we have certainly earned it. Humanity is appalling.

Same Shit, Different Day, Huh Rabbit?

Creeping into bed at 3:3X a.m. on New Year's Day? Free
Being awoken by an unprovoked, 5 minute canine cacophony 4.5 hours later? Priceless

Hey 2014, more of the same, eh? Good to know. Going to commit seppuku now. With a spork.

IT'S NOT JUST ME--I HAS BEEN BONA FIDE!

From a Reddit Q&A, by this guy.

[–]CitizenTed 1 point 18 minutes ago (1|0)

Can you see Obamacare leading up to Universal Single payer? IOW, is it possible that Obama re-packaged RomneyCare as a stepping stone to achieve the eventual goal of necessitating a single payer system?

[–]dave45 [S] 2 points 9 minutes ago (2|0)

It's hard to say. It would more likely lead to a system similar to what they have in Germany where the private insurance companies are highly regulated. Our problem isn't so much public vs. private for payers. It really boils down to the fact that health insurance companies operate like protection rackets because billing charges for most medical services are so high.


FUCKING A RIGHT!!!

JESUS WEPT

Medicine Isn't Science

I thought that for a long time. But medicine is, at best, an art and at worst, blowhard negligence.

If anything untoward should happen to me, or if I should untowardly happen to anything else, I have a request:

Please sue the fucking shit out of every doctor who has "treated" me in the past 8 years. Find the most vicious lawyer you can and sue, sue, sue until they are run out of business. Some of them are nice people, but they are all a part of the machine erroneously labeled "healthcare." As cogs in that machine, most only serve to perpetuate the nasty cycle: under/overprescribed, assuming most women with any complaint are "just depressed," encouraging a culture of scalpel jockeys instead of preventative care, and most unforgivable of all, not listening to their patients.

I'm not stupid, not about this anyway. I'm not lying. I have been trying for so long, so hard, to follow all the rules to be "healthy." And you know what following the doctor's suggestions has gotten me? One organ down, persistent pain, internal scarring, and in the worst shape, physically and mentally, that I've ever been in my life.

First, do no harm: yeah, right. Harm seems to be all those fucks are capable of dishing out. Harm, indifference, deluded conviction, and gross negligence.

Sue them. Smear them on the web. Go on cheap trashy talk shows. Render them finally responsible for their actions.

I'm not kidding.

They Want To Control Your Interwebz

Please be aware and pass this along. Greedy companies trying to make more money.

Imagine if your Internet service was like cable---in the sense that there are certain "packages" and some things aren't available depending on price, location, and whatever kickback deals the telecom services have.

NO NO NO

Those greedy fuckers have rights and liens and licenses and fees on everything else---the Internet needs to remain content-management-free.

Spread the word. And also: fuck Verizon.

Verizon Continues To Suck, Wants More Money For Sucking

When will rich enough ever be rich enough?

http://www.infoworld.com/d/the-industry-standard/verizons-diabolical-plan-turn-the-web-pay-view-226662

Not only are Verizon horrible to their current customers and quite likely engaged in illegal bill generation and collection practices, they want you to pay them more for their douchebaggery.

I can't even think about this, it makes me so angry.

Please post this info around. Your internet is a service you pay for--and it's also one of the last bastions of communication that isn't totally driven by big interests and sponsors.

Fuck Verizon

Seriously.


This problem exists for a service I never even had. Verizon just skipped past that little bit of info and turned me over to a collections agency that's been calling my house constantly.

Complete idiocy under the cut. Names were changed to protect the incompetent and bitchy.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck those fucking fucks.

And the asshole hung up on me.

You Stop To Wonder But You Never Know

How did I screw up my life so thoroughly?

Definitely hitting a slight bump on the NFG Tour.

It's funny how one thing tips over and causes an avalanche and you realize you are in Deep Shit. When stuff like this happens it makes me believe that shit was fucked up before and I was just too stupid to notice.

So yesterday I received a letter from my bank, with whom I have two credit cards.

In this letter, dated March 4th, they informed me that my credit had been reassessed and due to this my APR would now be 17.99%, effective May.

Please note: I received this letter August 11th. There was a small note attached saying they had tried to mail it before but the item was returned.

I moved into my new place on April 1st, with forwarding service left at my old place (all 5 miles away). I got the addresses changed on all my accounts over the next 2 months.

So, I go check my account, bewildered and still figuring everything out. My "amount due" came in at about 1.5 times the normal amount. There are suddenly these "payment counseling" options next to my accounts.

I can't even express how fucked up this is without descending into a Black Rage.

So, they reveiwed my history, which would show that I've been unemployed for quite sometime, but have never missed payments and usually pay Over the amount due. Sooooooo.... the logical thing is to assess a person's state, and if they are in financial distress then charge them more???!!

I've seen this before. It happened to my parents, twice. People who don't pay are written off and people who pay are hounded and penalized. This is what happened with the Houston oil market crash and to a lesser severity but wider area during the recent housing bubble.

I don't even want to get into how the bank failed to contact me about this thing that I'm legally supposed to have the choice of rejecting (cancelling the cards and paying off the debt at the original rate).

I keep opening up to the Universe and trying to foster positivity, and the Universe responds in pretty much the same way these days.

Whatever. The world continues to piss on my dreams and hopes. It's not even newsworthy. Will update when I replace my self pity with no F's being G'd.

The Upshot Of Waking Up So Digustingly Early

. . . is that the bathroom is usually free.