Just Southern Sweet Talked My Printer Into Working

Whooooo!

I'm still not sure quite what did it, but it was a hell of an adventure getting there. I was working against the clock, since I had to use Handy J's computer to scan. And I had stolen his printer cable.

To take over to MY printer, b/c HJ's doesn't work (but I'm fingers crossed that it is only the printer that is kaput, and I will be able to scan). Dust off and plugged in my girl. Also, some time being spent mildly pissed that of all the shit I had, I hadn't managed to put my computer cable somewhere sensible? Sheesh.

Printer makes unholy animal sounds and releases blinking lights of protests. And, predictably, it tells me I am out of ink. Which sure doesn't sound right, but then again, I haven't had this thing plugged in for months. Ironically that was on purpose in an attempt to keep the ink from heating up and drying out. Oh, universe, you so crazy.

There might have been a sideplot involving a very sharp knife and the Magenta printer cartridge that got some unfortunate plastic surgery. To pass for bleck. Bleck ink. But it still didn't work because those ink bastards have got us by the balls. What to do?

Serious Sweet Talking begins. (You've got two main choices in situations with machines: you can either cuss up one side and down the other or you can sweet talk them).

On the off chance any of you are not familiar with this, the kinda line you run goes something like this:

Hey beautiful. Didja miss me?

Lookit you, ol' girl*, looking gorgeous!

C'mon sugar, I know you can do this.

C'mon baby, you got this.

Aw baby, why you wanna do that?

Darling, don't be like this.

Atta girl, that's it. Doing good.

This may look ridiculous, but if you have spent any time in your life trying to fix things, chances are some variant of one of these has come out of your mouth. The more desperate you are for it to work, the chattier you get.

It took about 45 minutes, a lot of unplugging, and an amount of conversating with an inanimate object that makes even me uncomfortable, but my sweet lil' Epson came through!

Please note, also employed the "Well, Let's Just Let That Set A Spell And Comeback" maneuver. Worked like a dream.

This is all good because I had documents that were due to someone today and I feel like shizzola and had been relying on HJ's computer to do this from home and was Not Pleased with the prospect of Leaving House (of Pain).

You go 'head now, Epson!

*P.S. I was unaware that my printer was was a girl until today.