It's a strange, circuitous, and somewhat serendipitous wending of winding paths that have led me to this place and time. Perhaps sometime, if Time permits, I will tell you the whole story. But not today.
Fate, karma, destiny: these are all concepts that you can create for yourself, self fulfilling prophecies, and even conscious directing of consciences. But I rarely see things play out on a grand level that makes it all seem predestined or intertwined.
The places I see it are in the small things. Pick your deity, but its in the details. And perhaps because I have only seen these dramas writ small, in the miscellany of every day, that I can't attribute a mystical force to it all. Because it all seems so controllable, dirigible, predictable--we make it so as we are Lords of Small Matters.
But then again, what might a quantum physicist or your average bodhisattva say to that? Control of something, on the smallest level, isn't that the key to everything?
Are we all just giant self fulfilling prophecies? Again, I see it in the tiny tribulations, but never the grand. I can tell you with all honesty that things in my life have fallen into such a strangely appropriate design, it's as if I engineered it myself.
I can also say in all honesty that there are things I desperately want and crave, that I scheme and ponder, that elude me still. Those Large Things, those Big Wins. There are sections of my life that have been the focus of such fevered attention, that if it were possible to will things into being, I surely would have done it by now.
And in the midst of all this curious themes pop up. They say if you look for the ditch instead of the road, you'll see it. You'll also drive into it. And we all know about the abyss. But what odd tides are floating concepts like nobility, honor, doom, magic, and the price of wishes all together from different angles?
Some of it is obvious--you can't be watching Game of Thrones without these items coming into discussion. But to have someone, in an unrelated conversation, say to me, "Now is not the time to be noble,"--how peculiar, that choice of words.
To be reading a book wherein the heroine finds that inevitable truth in the midst of madness, a thought I'd actually voiced to someone days prior: ultimately we are all alone, in the beginning and in the end. All else is transitory.
And the price of wishes granted. I have always appreciated how the Celts describe magic as "glamour,"--a wisp, a vapour, spectacle without substance. And they are so very suspicious of their supernaturals--no free lunch in Erin.
Today I found myself navigating downtown, driving through the Jewelry District, the Furniture District. Surface streets only, and today I was glad of it. I felt in the city as I rarely have. My surprise treat was nice--on my return I let the GPS have its way with me and was rewarded with a drive by of the Disney concert hall. It's like a beautiful mess of a partially wrapped present, an explosion of bows and silver and sheen. It's probably very tacky. I love it and think it's beautiful.
I got some photos from a friend today. They were a balm. We had a lot of fun goofing off to extreme lengths. Most of the photos are too incriminating to post, but this one was too good to pass up. Staged? Yes. But still true.
Today I disappointed my leetle seester by being a doofus and out of it and miscommunicating plans. I really have retired a great portion of my Events Coordinator role over the last two years, and boy does it show. However, she came through with an excellent idea: she cooked me dinner and we went to a late movie my brother suggested: X-Men First Class.
The movie was uneven, but enjoyable. It reminded me a bit of the first X-Men that Singer directed. His touch was there, but not enough. I'm not up for a full blown critique at the moment. The real point is that I had a fabulous evening just hanging with my sis. And I thank her for dragging my raggedy ass out. I'm really turning into quite the troglodyte.
As I left her house sitting location, there were police across the street. Looked like a typical domestic disturbance. I circled twice and then blew her cellphone up until she answered. My family, myself included, have a rather antagonistic relationship with our mobile phones. We tend to leave them off, out of range, in cars, etc. Part of it is that we haven't quite caught on that for some of us (that would be me) it's literally the only solid means of communication. But I think there's something in all of us that quietly rebels against being trackable at all hours, all places. Something in our nature that doesn't want to accessible at any time. Contrarian and needlessly complicating matters. But perhaps my tribe is not known for being easy.
Except for me, of course. I'm like Sunday morning up in this bitch. ;)
Tomorrow promises to be fun, informative, and exhausting. We are going to a photo exhibit and I can't imagine anyone I'd rather see it with than her. It's about beauty, and how fashion, media, etc, have shaped and defined our expectations and ideals over the ages.
After which we will, without a shred of irony, descend upon the nearby mall and hit all the makeup stores. Self awareness--it's a bitch, but it doesn't have to spoil all your fun.
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