Some of you regular readers may be aware of my old man's strange and useemly love for Rutger Hauer. And I'm not gonna lie, if Blind Fury were on right now, you know my ass would be watching it. (It could be on for all I know. We just lost power. Due to the...um...rain? What?)
But in ongoing signs of the Apocalypse and Imminent Doom, they have finally produced the ultimate Rutger Hauer movie. A movie only my old man could love. And possibly this guy Zogar. It has arrived.
That's right. The name of this film is "Hobo With A Shotgun." I bolded and italicized it for not only being a super-awesome but also a super-truthful title.
Most people don't know this, but my old man longs to *BE* Rutger Hauer, and in fact WROTE a screenplay very similar to this years ago. Except his was titled "Get Those Kids Off My Fucking Lawn" or "How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Just Reload."
This could be the sign he's been waiting for. I'm by the phone, expecting relatives to start calling with sightings of him with a shopping cart, 5 day grizzled beard, shotgun and crossbow, screaming to the sky "Howsabout a bumper sammich, booger lips?!!!???"
I could have SWORE I had a conversation with someone about Rutger Hauer being one of the better B-Movie actors out there.
ReplyDeleteThe movie where he was hunting the monster in London (and London had sunk, kind of like Venice) was excellent, as was the movie he did where he and some chick had these booby-trapped dog-collars on and if they got more than 100 feet away from each other, their heads would explode. Obviously, they were prison inmates.
As much as I appreciate your dad's love of Rutger Hauer, I have to admit that I'm a sucker for Lance Henrickson. That cop movie he did with Anthony Edwards, and Lance was a one-handed cajun too, was bad-ass!
Yes, I will watch me some Lance Henrickson anytime.
OMG...I would totally watch every single one of those movies you just described.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the Lance Henrickson love. I freaked watching 300 the first time because they have that Lance-a-Like playing one of the senators and I was all "OH NO THEY DIDN'T PUT MY MAN LANCE UP IN HE---- oh, no, they didn't."
And I always pronounce his last name in a psuedo German style in my head: EIN-rick-Zon. I have no idea why. But it pleases me to do so.
Of course, my one true and forever B Movie love (and possibly love, period) will always be The Mighty Chin himself, Bruce Campbell.
I love you Bruuuuuuuuuuuce!
Remember that time (in another place long ago and far away that must not be named) when you listed every celeb-crush I had and asked me who would win in a fight? I still stand by my statement that it was "one of the most delightfully unfair questions" ever.
PEE ESS---I think Tink loves some Henrickson too.
PEE PEE ESS--HOW COULD I FORGET. I must give mad props to a man who makes some truly, truly, truly shitty movies. Chris Lambert--there can be only one and you are it for eternity.
How does he get me to watch his movies? It's a kind of magic, I suppose.
PEE PEE PEE ESS: No, I never get tired of inserting meta references, movie quotes, or bad puns into all that I write and say. Never.
Dude, I just found out after reading your post that your boy, Gerard Butlerpants was Dracula in Dracula 2000!
ReplyDeleteI saw that shit in the theater with the mighty Crawfather, and we were both like "What the blue hell is the frizzy-headed dude from That 70s Show doing in this?" and "Dracula wasn't bad, the plot twist at the end was a nice touch."
Hells to the yeah! I OWN that movie.
ReplyDeleteI really, really liked the concept of that movie. It was one of those examples of a really cool conceit that got kinda mangled in execution. I think it would make an excellent novel, especially in the style of "The Historian" or similar.
They trimmed a lot of his dialogue, just a line or two per scene. But it was a shame because it added a lot to the movie and was more copacetic with the backstory.
Also, he is terminally hot in that movie. For srs.