My Deficiencies Are Many, My Advantages Few

For fuck's sake. I can't keep up with anything, and I'm on fucking vacation. Here's some stuff that happened, may my idiocy serve as a lesson learned for the rest of whoever.

• Hitting black ice at 70-80mph is a surprisingly exanimate experience. 
• 36 hours is way too long to be driving. Really. And probably most people shouldn't take more than one 5 hour energy drink per 12 hours. And it still won't stop your eyes from rolling back in your head. Coast to coast driving: just say no.
• I haven't gotten any speeding tickets while intentionally exceeding the limit. I did get one today on an infamous local road, not even trying to speed, with my mind on the best place to stop for soda on the way to work.
• Yeah, work. Who goes on vacation and gets a job? Se moi. No one in SoCal will look at me cross eyed. Within three days of arriving Eastland, two job offers. 
• In terms of family, I've an embarassment of riches. I often feel obligated to share my family with others, who have less/different/uncomfortable. Not because I want to, but because I feel that it's selfish to keep such things to myself.
• A 3 year got to first base with me. Even the children know I'm an easy mark.
• Two adorable little boys sat on either knee to listen to a story. I felt a great deal of love and comfort in that moment. It's nice not always having to play the heavy.
• I'm still unsure if it's healthy acceptance or dysfunctional apathy. 
• Some people get hurt beyond anyone's ability to comfort. Nowadays I try to talk less, shut up a lot more, and hope that does something.
• It's never safe to relax.
• The effort to prevent my medically induced Hulk-Outs may be turning me into a Vulcan. But without the math skills.
• How can you have a set of Bible trivia questions and not ask about the apocalypse? C'mon man. . . cut a brother some slack.
• On that note, next week has an American Serial Killers round. Failure to perform in this area ends in seppuku. (hah, totally spelled that right on the first try)
• Small towns are small towns. You know everybody, even if you think you don't.
• I categorically reject this head cold. 
• Due to a woeful lack of evidence, I increasingly suspect that justice is an entirely human construct and it is only our perceptions that lend any flavor of karmic balance to life.
• I terrified someone the other day. I wasn't doing anything I considered dangerous--I specifically would not have engaged in the action if I perceived danger. But I know too well the nail biting angst of watching someone endanger themselves. Upon realizing the situation, I stopped immediately. This story involves a pit bull.
• I like doggies and kitties.
• I like other people's children.
• I am so fucking tired. So very, very tired. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do. I will just keep moving and hope inspiration strikes.
• Much to my surprise, we seem to be extending the No Fucks Given tour into the holiday season. This will either be glorious or disastrous. So until further advised, No Kosher Fucks Merrily Given is in effect.
• How do you get a nun pregnant?
• Dress her up as a choir boy.
• My backlog of bad movies to watch is getting alarming. Also, even my beloved Sam Waterston couldn't save Capricorn One. I'm probably going to hell for the O.J. jokes I made while watching it. But it evens out because it was so bad it killed off some of my precious few remaining brain cells.
• GODFUCKINGDAMNIT. This is a vexing development.
•  It's indescribably lovely to have people genuinely excited and pleased to see you.
• I loves my Bef. And Mini-Bef. And Dirty Bertie Jr and Sr.
• Dear Windows: PLEASE STOP "HELPING" AND "IMPROVING" YOUR O/S. BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T HELP. IRONIC, ISN'T IT? SO EFF WINDOWS 8.SHITE. REALLY. YOU EVEN FUCKED UP CONTROL PANEL? FUCKING WINDOWS DESIGN TEAM: HOW DOES THEY WORK?
• That Ancient Aliens shit hurts me in my logic. I'm all like:

Here's to keeping up the streak!

Goodnight all you beautiful creatures.