You Know That Feeling?

When you wish somebody liked you enough that they just wanted to call you up and spend an evening hanging out, grabbing dinner, and talking to you? And they were keen about it and sought you out?

You know, the feeling that you are such a neat and interesting person that somebody just really wants to spend time with you, to hear what you think?

*sigh*

Yeah, that feeling.

If You Think You Are Having A Bad Day

Consider this:

Los Angeles (CNN) -- Rapper Andre Johnson severed his penis and jumped from a Los Angeles apartment building early Wednesday, police said.

Because that guy totally has you beat.

SPOILER: He lived. Because the second floor isn't really a deathseekers best choice. This is the unluckiest mofo on the planet.

I laughed so damn hard when my friend mentioned this in casual conversation. See ya in hell.

He's Still Beautiful, I Still Love Him

This man has had a profound effect upon my life. I ever meet him, I hope I have the presence of mind to kiss him soundly in thanks.

My subconscious is playing tricks on me again, this song appearing in my head before I could even reason why.

Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry

Pirate Fairy? What? Oh, I See. . .

. . . because Tom Hiddleston, that's why.

My friend sent me this link today and I just watched it. I am somewhere between laughing my ass off and hiding behind the couch.

My emotions. They are confused. I think I'm snickering. WHO THE FUCK MAKES A MOVIE ABOUT PIRATE FAIRIES??????? DID SOMEBODY LOSE A BET?????

Okay, wait, cursory investigation reveals a bit more. It just took me a minute. Because the pirate fairy-ing. Thing.

A-HA! I should have known Disney was behind this. Actually, it does make more sense. Captain Hook. Tinkerbell. Okay. But I still think Pirate Fairy sounds like a bad porn or someone's prison nickname.

Or better yet, Pirate Fairy is the mythical bogeyman that lifers warn all the greens about. Better be in your cell at lights out, or the Pirate Fairy will get you!

Hiddles--you kill me with this shit. Seriously.

Wait, what? . . . . I got nothing.

The Elegant Logic of California Arrogance

When people react negatively to you, you just get to feel sorry for them and how hopelessly uptight they are.

For The Love of God, Somebody Roofie Me

Okay, Douchebag Body. Getting real tired of your shit.

After two nights of <4 hours sleep, you decide to pull an all nighter?

I am no longer young. I can't just be up all night for no reason and then go get anything done with the rest of the day.

Insomnia is insidiously isolating.

Inevitable Artefication

It occurs to me, in this strange moment, that one day the vernacular I have used and adopted will be horribly dated. That even the exchanges I have co-opted ironically will be a sign of age, of being out of touch.

It occurs to me that I will one day, glw, be the old timer saying the equivalent of "hepcat" and "groovy." And long before they will have cycled back around to being ironically and self consciously cool again.

Even now I use phrases and words in a silly homage to years only just two decades past. Language may end up being the ultimate life form, as it evolves and changes to suit the times, yet manages to convey the same required information.

This all occurs to me as I play the unlikely role of dog-whisperer and 12-year-old-boy-whisperer. Two things I don't possess, or intend to possess, any when in this lifetime. But two things I find myself somewhat regularly engaged with.

That's how you end up loving cats but coaxing dogs into a bedroom, trying to help foster that bond between boy and pooch. Even if the pooch is the size of a small pony and you could conceivably sleep comfortably on her bed. Seriously.

If you asked me, I would tell you that not for love nor money would I do such things: I refuse commitment.

But perhaps, in refusing commitment, I am able to provide services ad hoc and when other parties desperately need a break.

It's not a bad deal, and I think I might benefit the most from it.

But seriously, this dog is the size of an icelandic horse.

airedale terrier--rides for $5. jodhpurs included.