futility

my love ones keep suffering and falling apart

and there's nothing i can do about it

ain't that some shit

they just keep dying

even when its what they want
if if they did it to themselves
there's just all this death
hanging and clumping like seawead that drown you
caught in your hair and lashes like a cobweb

godspeed brenda
may you know a peace now that you could never find in your life

everyone knows i'm in over my head

if there was a better way, i sure hope it would find me

i'm full of nervous energy but exhausted all the time

if you move fast, they can't getcha

one day i'll move so fast that i'll slip this cage

one day

Our Long National Nightmare. . . Continues

Well, America, I hope you're pleased with yourself. You got what you wanted. God help us all.

I picked the wrong year to give up drinking.

gogogogogo

got to get a few hundred dollars to pay bills by Friday (hahahahahahahahaha)

trying to book extra and audience work around scheduled and requested nanny days

trying to get majority of "action" pix and vids recorded this week and sent to agent. as this requires assistance, i have some luck. but i don't have a bestie who can just eff off and help me out.

have credit card with some room left--really need to buy things like food. undergarments. many of my clothes do not be looking right on my person because i've lost some weight. i refuse to spend more Money I Don't Have on clothing until I have lost some more weight. Good thing I stole ex left belt behind. Droopy Drawers For Life!!!

speaking of drawers, my ass needs a much more rigorous exercise plan. 10k steps a day is cool and still a challenge, but its also a lot of time. i love my walks, but i require faster results and Let's Face It: my old ass really needs a tune up.

i think im supposed to sign up for an improv class. thank god for the credit system and forgive me for participating in the crippling financial disaster that is our country. please feel free to share all my blame with healthcare costs. thankyoudrivethru

i think my uterus is trying to kill me, or drive me insane. which i clearly do not have time for.

i'm tired. i don't feel good a lot. i need to take better care of myself. i need some fun.

unfortunately, i have to rely on myself for help with this stuff. and i am not much help these days.

its so weird to have so many superficial things to focus on to work towards some of my dreams. like, i really need to worry about how old i look? how white my teeth are (don't even talk about straight).

my eyebrow hair? really?

yes. really. so off for some painful personal grooming.

It's 90 F in Amarillo? In October?

People, seriously.

https://weather.com/news/weather/video/summer-in-october-hundreds-of-records-could-fall?pl=pl-editor-picks

There is no "going" to Hell. We're making Hell right here on Earth.

It's 86 F in Pensacola.

That's just mean.

man in a suitcase returns home, apocalypse expected

sometimes i feel like i need to barf up or slough off the bad energy i've been around.

that sounds totally CA woo-woo, but let me give you an example: spending time with an extremely dysfuntctional family who are fighting while a young woman is getting brain surgery. for tumors.


so, yeah, i wish i could rinse away the residue of that


Positive Aspect: Cousin made in thru surgery, initial stuff looks good. Hopefully she is on road to recovery.

And with that, off to watch season premiere of Walking Dead.

I'm pretty sure that if they deface my boo, I will be done with the show for life. I got enough stress without worrying about Rickle Pickle all the time. He's my totem animal. I need him to be okay.

PS---SFO to LAX, by ground, in 5.5 hours. Personal best of my N-S trips lately. And I didn't even leave until 12:22 pm. Basically I folded space time.